On Optimism, Part One

I have wondered, this past week or so, why I always seem to automatically look at the bright side of things.  It wasn't as if a year or two or however long ago I said to myself, "In order to be happier and improve my outlook on life, from now on I will always look at the bright side of any given situation."  It just happens; I just do.  And I have begun to think that the reason is some combination of events in my life thus far.  Vague, huh?  Let me try and explain...

When I was very young I would often go to my Grammy and Papa's (and then, Aunt Sue-Sue's) house.  Okay, I still do that, but for some reason it seems like I did it more a long time ago.  Anyways....whatever the occasion, other relatives would often stop by.  They would talk, and I would listen (I wouldn't look like I was listening, but I was, indeed).  I picked up on a lot of stuff, but one thing remains most prominent.  It was some celebration in the summer, 4th of July or thereabouts, and I was probably five or six.  Some guy-cousin or uncle, I can't remember, was explaining some long story to my Grammy as I had come inside the kitchen to cool off for a bit.  I can't remember what the story was, exactly, but I remember it being interesting.  After he finished telling the story, what my Grammy said next, while I filled up a glass of water at the refrigerator, was what has stuck for the past 13 or 14 years: "Wow...isn't it amazing how God always has a plan to eventually work out even the bad stuff for good?"  I meditated on this as I trumped back outside.  What if God really did?  I might have to wait a long time to find out!

It was a year or two later that I found out that this was a Bible verse (Thanks to Hide Him in Your Heart!), and like I said, it stuck with me.  I began noticing little child-like/childish things after a while.  Nothing huge, of course.  But I was always of the opinion that it was the coolest thing ever! (besides Beanie Babies and Juicy Juice, of course).  

I appeared to abandon the idea, however, as I took the rough ride into teenager-hood.  From ages 11 1/2 to almost 16, hormones started off on a bad nerve with me.  And if life seemed full of despair and desperation for me, I am a thousand percent sure that I made life complete hell for my parents.  At about age 14, I distinctly remember taking great pride in my decisive pessimism.  I was a pessimist!  I got angry about everything!  I really did, I am sure of it.  After all, I had to walk and talk the talk of my half punk/half grunge-goth "identity."  I thought I liked who I was, but in all honesty I have no memories of ever being truly happy and joyful at that time.  Every journal entry was mad at somebody because I wasn't allowed to do something, and contained many schemes for rebelling and plans for all I would "accomplish" once I turned 18.  

All of that to say firstly that I was horribly discontent and pessimistic, and secondly to apologize to everyone who was close to me during that stage.  I am surprised you all stuck it through, and commend you for it!  

But I suppose that, by the time I entered my Junior year, I had worn out most all of any pessimism I had been programmed with, besides the little healthy dosage left to make sure my life became dramatic at some points here and there so it remained "interesting."  I was far from through being resurrected from the depths of despair, but it was at that time that I joined my current improv group, and made some really good friends on swim team (before that, everyone I knew on the team was just a casual friend).  These two amazing groups of Godly people, along with the people I was already friends with at that time (those who stuck it through or stayed anyways, despite my entire existence being flawed at the time), and my wonderful family, dug me out of the hole I was in - by hand - and held me up to towards the Light; towards my heavenly Father.  Slowly, but surely, I have been changing for the better, with the help of them.  MOST importantly my parents, who never gave up on me and NEVER let me stray off completely to sell my soul to the world.  

Now I can see, though, that even as I completely and utterly regret those cursed year, wishing they had never happened, I can see that there are so many things that would not have happened and so many mistakes made later, were my wish to come true.  The consequences might be something as horrible as death or causing great shame to my family.  I may have gone off to college and fallen too far, without the desire for the help of godly friends or parental influence.  I might have never had the amazing opportunity of joining the Unintentionals.  Had I not been SO depressed at one point that my mother insist I join the homeschool swim team and swim all my frustrations out, I would not have the greatest group of friends on the entire planet.  And so much more!  

In other words, where would I be???  The outcome is unimaginable, even for me.  

So that, my dear friends (old friends, swim team friends, improv friends, and new friends....I love you all!), is one grand reason I am so entirely optimist all the time.  Even though something looks hopeless, I can almost guarantee it is NOT.  I wasn't hopeless, was I?  I might as well have seemed very much so; the 13-year-old  kid who dresses as grungily as she can and looks as angry as possible for her first therapy session in order to attempt to scare the psychologist off?  Yup, that is bad.  But now I am pretty sure my happiness level is consistently at about 98.5%, nearly all the time.  If I am not a miracle (not to sound full of it or anything) then I don't know what is.  Thanks so much, everyone, for everything!

~Jessica          

Happy New Year!

Great. I'm getting older. The years are going by faster and faster. I could probably stand it now if I had to wait three years to do anything...of course, three years doesn't seem like a long time compared to how long some people have to wait...whoever those people are. I'm just saying that so that I don't sound like a wimp at being patient.

Oh, never mind... :P

Happy Thanksgiving!

That's all I have to say.

Beware of leftovers...yeah. But even if you're sick of them, be thankful, or they might make you sick.

Le Papier est Fini!

If you haven't noticed, I've had a little obsession with typing/posting in French.  If it's annoying you, I am sorry.  I just really want to learn more French and I don't have time.  So I am just going with what I know.  That means that if something I want to say happens to translate into French in my brain oh-so-magically, then I will say/write it without much of a doubt (except perhaps on the correct pronunciation....)

So I am done with my last research paper for the semester and I am rejoicing, of course.  Yes, doing the Highland Fling and other dances I am famed for.  I haven't blogged a real blog in a long time.  The last time I told you how I was doing was for that "Tag" thing, and that doesn't really count because there was this thing entailed known as "structure."  I don't like structure.  It bothers me.  Organization is not bad, but structure...I won't even go into how it just messes up things.

So things are about to get drastically different.  I have re-thought my life plan for the 7,000th time since last summer.  Not this summer, just last summer.  I am going to stop having getajobaphobia and I am, instead, going to get a job.  I really want to work at either a bookstore or a pet store.  I am working on a write-up on everything about myself, putting my social security number in big print on the cover page, and giving that package to random people I see in stores.  

Next semester I am not going to go to college.  Every time I sign up for a college class I forget all the negative things like sitting in classrooms, being lectured, writing papers, taking tests, being told what to do, and things like that.  For the rest of my life I am vowing not to make that mistake again.  I DO NOT like being told what to do.  I am going to do what I want...and that is...

1)  Study music theory

2) Study creative writing more intensely

3) Read more books

4) Write more (poetry, stories, etc)

5) Compose more (like, music, you know?)

These would be done when I am not working, of course.  And I am going to use my money to either travel the world, buy myself a house (in North Carolina.......), or as my own marriage dowry or something.   Or maybe just...oh, never mind.  

In other general news, we got our piano tuned yesterday.  It's an understatement that I am quite ecstatic.  We haven't had it tuned since we got it 14 years ago...sad.  So now it sounds next to wonderful.  It's an upright, so it will never sound like a grand, but it's pretty pretty!  Also, Saturday I got to go to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concert!  It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!!!!!  And that is also an understatement.  I'll be talking about it for the next decade.  :D

I really need to be getting on important things like chores since I haven't done much because I've been working on my paper.  It is a terrible paper.  I will fail the class.  < /low self esteem >  That's okay though!  I really don't care.  I enjoyed it, but what do grades matter when I'm not going to go to college and I am not going to change my mind about going to college???

I will write again soon.  I have to write lots of tiny paper summaries for my classes and study for a couple of finals (ugh...I sound so school-ish...I disgust myself), but I think I will have more time because I don't have to spend so much of it thinking about something I don't want to think about.  Isn't that liberating?  I'm considering re-naming this the Blog of Liberation again!

Anyways, talk to y'all later!

~Jessica

I Feel Rejuvenated!!

So yesterday I went to Wake Tech for my British Literature class. Most of you should know that I have a lot of fun in that class, so you can imagine my great and terrible disappointment when we (Elizabeth B. and me, that is) walked around the corner and there was nobody waiting in front of the classroom. A couple friends walking from the door of the classroom informed Elizabeth and me that the class was cancelled, but to sign the role on the door before leaving. With a great reluctance that only Elizabeth seemed to understand, I drearily signed my name and then stared off into the distance, wondering what to do for the next hour and a half. I was still in quite a slump that I had gotten into Monday morning (the same one that caused me to slackishly skip the morning and then the evening Masters swim practices), so by this time I had officially concluded it was not a Monday thing, but just a "thing" brought upon by some unknown source which cause un-productivity and feelings of meaningless and slight depression...as well as a lack of motivation. I can hear you all going, "Oh...that kind of slump...is 'slump' even the right word?"


Yes, that kind...and I don't know. That's why I'm hearing you all asking whether slump is the right word.


Suddenly it occurred to me as I looked out into the Tobacco-haze that there was a McDonald's up the street and that they had coffee. Good coffee. I suggested this to Elizabeth and she said that perhaps we should go to this other place instead...which has a name that I cannot remember, but it's very like Starbucks. And, preferring the coffee-shop environment to the very plastic-feeling environment at McDonald's, I agreed.


While we were there we got to talking (okay, we were already talking, but once we sat down we started talking about something else) about slumps. Apparently she had been in one, too. So we talked, and decided that the best way to get out of it was to actually do something (a little altering of advice from a couple of Bible studies, the book of Revelations, and Dr. Laura played a little part). So we got our school stuff and made a decision to work on it. So we started discussing Beowulf, and then a friend from Elizabeth's sculpture class came in and we talked a while with her...and then we had to go. But when we got up, everything was different. All that talking about slumps and making official decisions to DO something and not be in them anymore.........made all the difference. We felt great!!!

That morning I had driven with a straight face, staring straight ahead, with the windows cracked and the music on, but not very high. I was bored, and wanted nothing better than to be rid of my brain so I could just stop thinking altogether. After the coffee shop, I rolled the windows all the way down, blasted my music (Nickel Creek, for the record), and completely rocked out. I had to set cruise control so I wouldn't go too fast.....

The rest of my day was spent relatively well. Instead of being in a fog I was Claritin Clear, in a great big bubble of happiness, bouncing around, smiling and singing and feeling so amazingly joyful that I couldn't imagine going back to being in such a funk. Lesse...I wrote a blog for the Quotes Only blog, looked up squash recipes, decided to make up my own recipe instead, went squash-shopping, picked up Marck, Hannah, and Noah from swim (in the mean time speaking for a brief moment to the rest of my homies), came home, experimented with the squash, ate said experiments, decided they were good, but to not put so much sugar on them next time, made a video with Marck, worked on my Beowulf composition (it's sounding better since I'm out of that darned mood and can actually think straight), sat around outside with no point whatsoever but didn't mind, and cleaned up the kitchen. I feel absolutely fantastic.

And there's water polo tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I do believe there's such a thing as over-use of exclaimation points. What are you trying to say?

Wonderful People!

Here are some more comments from that forum thread about homeschooling vs. private and public. These people just see it...the way I see it. Please, do not feel any pressure to be convinced. I only want to try and get my point across, and you know I am simply terrible at debating (I would never make a good politician...and I'm too honest for that profession, anyways):

-1-

I am homeschooled and have been homeschooled for seven years now. The majority of my friends are not homeschooled, but I have a large variety of friends who are. The reason most of my friends are not homeschooled are because I am not in an enviroment where I a subjected to other peers my age seven days a week.Therefore I have learned to be much more open minded to EVERYBODY. Adults, Children, the Elderly... hey are ALL m friends, and I visit them ALL often. Age is jsut a number, and I feel as though I would not have been able to gain that frame of mind if I had stayed in public school.This is my senior year of highschool, and mst of my friends are graduation homeschool style with me. I ahve never had social issues being homeschooled BUT I do feel the need to state that it all depends on the family.If you are going to homeschool your child and not allow them to be in co-ops, have tutors, go to football games, yoga classes, ect. Then you cannot expect them to be social butterflys and cope well in large groups. But if you socialize your child often, then they will probably end up better than average. I feel as though I am very open minded, th vas ajority of my friends are my age, but I love everybody not mattr how old or what race or religion, because I ahve learned that you really don't pick your friends like you are taught in public school, they choose you, and you jsut just have to love them to be happy, no matter who they are or what they do.I like public schools, but I do feel as homeschooling helps students to hold on to their indivuality more and to help them not to form to society and helps them cope with being different in life.The #1 problem I ahve had while being homeschooled was public schooled children. Because they do not know how to react to somebody different then they are, so they automatically jump to conclusions such as homeschooled kids are socially inept, too smart or not smart enough, and that they cannot face reality. They we are ALL "sheltered' and bake cornbread and wear matching jumpsuits and have 15 kids in evry family.Now there ARE some people like that.... but not all..... and homeschooling is NOT for everybody, but can be a wonderful wonderful thing if used correctly.


-2-

I went to a religious private school and hated it. I'm not sure I would have liked public school. I like the idea of homeschooling or unschooling and plan on trying that with my own (future) kids, but it probably would not have worked for me because I do not get along with my mother at all and being at home with her all day would have been torture. The best thing for me would have been to have either gone away for school or to have quit school altogether and gone straight to college or living abroad. I got my real education when I was in college, which I loved. High school was a huge waste of my time. For example, I spent twelve years in school studying a language and never learnt it. As an adult, I spent two years living abroad and learnt two languages. I always thought I was bad at languages, turns out, I'm good at languages, they were just bad at teaching it. The worst part for me is that now I have to watch my neice go to the same grade school that I went to and I have to watch them force knowledge and authority on her and her growing to hate it and there's nothing I can do (yeah, I guess I'm still angry).


-3-

Institutionalised learning, whether public or private, is almost invariably inefficient, grossly so. As a means of making sure people learn the basics, like literacy, when otherwise they wouldn't have - say with illiterate parents - it was fine, but as a means of learning as much as possible, as easily and quickly as possible, of the things that are most necessary, it's tantamount to a disaster. Teaching yourself is by FAR the more efficient method, with some mentor - whether a parent or teacher - helping out when you're stuck, giving practical opportunities to use the knowledge where it's useful, but that rarely happens until you get closer to college.
You can learn from a book in ten minutes the information that is put across in the average lesson by a teacher addressing the whole class. In addition, there is too much redundancy in what is taught, and assessed, and the pace rarely suits everyone. Any confusion a child may experience is rarely identified at the moment it occurs, thus causing more confusion further down the line. You could cover the same ground in a fraction of the time with much more independent study, and added up over the years...
As for the supposed benefits of socialisation, the people who are in most need are the ones most ill-served by such institutions. The people who socialise easily with those others tend to be on pretty much the same page; others who struggle do so because they're on a very different page, and exposure to the others doesn't automatically lead them to understand where others are coming from. You have to be in the ballpark to understand what would otherwise seem like irrational behaviours. If you're not in the ballpark, a confused misery is liable to result, rather than enlightenment.


-4-

If we call public school what it really is ... government school, then realizing the benefits of homeschooling might be a little more apparent.
"Government schools will teach children that government is wonderful." ~ Neal Boortz


-5-

Quote:Originally Posted by nextGENERATIONhippie Personally i think public school is better, children need to be taught social skills, and well as academics
Please explain to me which social skills, apparently learned only in an institution, you would like my children to be learning?
Let's see....
My kids socialize with each other, with me and my husband, with our landlady, neighbors, friends, and extended family.
My kids socialize at the many social gatherings we attend through homeschooling support groups.
My kids socialize at the supermarket, the post office, the vet's office, at cooperative learning sites, and the many other places we go.
My kids aren't limited to socializing with 20 other kids their own age. They have friends who are four and friends who are forty.
My kids aren't EVER told, "You're not here to socialize." I heard that a lot when I was in school.
My kids aren't ever made to eat their lunches in silence or be completely quiet while traveling places. The same can't be said for their publicly schooled friends. My 15yo's best friend is not allowed to talk on the school bus.
My kids aren't forced to get naked and shower with strangers. If they encounter a bully of any sort, they have the option of not interacting with that person anymore.
Yeah....I could go on and on. Basically, my kids are treated the way I'd like to be treated. They're treated as people.
I've seen the sort of "socializing" which goes on in public schools. I attended public schools, myself. I think it's sad that that is what's considered normal. I think we'll continue to live our abnormal, outside-the-box lifestyle. Funny how people always tell me how mature and pleasant my kids are.


-6-

Oh how it pains me to see the ignorance on this thread :/I am seventeen years old and I've adored home-schooling. I've attempted all sorts of schooling, a private academy, curriculum led home-schooling and public school. I think it depends mostly upon the child and their motivation-but I am a strong advocate for alternative schooling. I've always been incredibly self-motivated and public school left me stuck and frustrated. Everything moved too slowly for my liking and I hated the busy work. I agree that you must "learn how to play the game" by doing this busy work and being with less than enjoyable people, but it doesn't take long to learn. Public school is not the real world-I find that is the most common misconception among people who are against home-schooling. You are confined inside a building 7-8 hours a day doing busy work that may or may not help you learn anything at all. You do NOT learn social skills by being around a bunch of jello-eating sheep that are only your own age.I've had the opportunity to meet and befriend people of all ages and from all over the world-I'm certainly not anti-social or otherwise "weird".My education has been mostly self-led, my parents interfere only when I ask them to. I learn what I want, when I want, how I want-and that has worked well for me. I've studied the basics a bit, but the beauty of my schooling is that it allowed me to go in depth with things I really wanted to, such as my field of study now, Anthropology.I have a beautiful education and so many wonderful experiences I'm sure lots of kids in public school don't have time to experience while sitting in stuffy classrooms reading textbooks and copying definitions. That works well for some people, but I wouldn't trade my schooling for the world! There is also a high demand for home-schoolers in swell paying jobs because they have much more flexible schedules.I am also not hurting for college acceptances-I've been accepted to every school I've applied to and been offered many a scholarship.


-7-

I'm homeschooling my 8 yr old now. We pulled her out of public school last October when we found out her teacher was getting violent in class (knocking over a desk in front of a kid, yelling at the kids, intimidating them, not letting them go to the bathroom, etc.). The principal tried to minimize it and justify it and basically cover for the teacher, who we discovered has had a temper problem for years and had been allowed to remain in the school anyway.So I quit my job and began homeschooling her. Then in April we moved to a new area and thought we'd try the school here, which by the way was rated pretty high on the scale of best schools in the U.S. (yeah right). However after a few weeks it became apparent that in the 6 months or so that my daughter had been homeschooled she surpassed her grade level to the point that she HATED being there because it was so boring. In fact, she was way ahead in every subject. I tried talking to her teacher about it and asked if she could give her more challenging work but was met with cold disregard and some lame excuse that she can't alter her curriculum. Also we found out the school won't let her skip grades either. So basically our choice was to conform to a completely inadequate system or homeschool. We chose the latter. At this point, I doubt we'll ever try public school again. But... I do like to look at every situation as being unique, so if we ever move to an area that has a truly good public school, I'd consider it.As far as private schools, I guess that depends on the school too. Also, they tend to be pretty expensive.


-8-

I pretty much said f*** public school at 9th grade. Since then I've read nearly everybook under the sun. Public schools focus too much on repetition and memorization instead of actually grasping and understanding what is being taught at the time.
One famous auto-didact, Albert Einstein , had his own thoughts about public schools:
" Education is what's left after you forget what you learned in school "
" Any fool can know. The point is to understand "
and Frank Zappa offers up this gem :
" I never let school interfere with my education "

Isn't this cool?!?!

You know how I get excited about things...I think I'm voting for him. <--That's a link, btw.

I Stole My Brother's Camera...

Well, you see, the sky was interesting one morning at 6:30 ish. It was as if a cloud just sat on top of our house or something...we were totally enclosed in a fog, but the fog was several feet off the ground. It was weird. So I took Marck's camera (not having one of my own, you see), and took a few pictures...

I took this after photographing the above...I started feeling all photographer-ish, and wanted to take a picture of something that would be in a pretty magazine...

That was the day after my birthday, I think. On my birthday, the H's, the T's, and my family had a cookout. It wasn't FOR my birthday, but it sure was fun. Here are some highlights from my birthday (Marck took all these, by the way):

Me being woken up by the paparazzi...not really wanting a picture taken of me right as I wake up.

This is actually me, under the covers, hiding from the camera.

Me (on the left), Lizzie (foreground right) and Sarah (next to Lizzie) planning the Quotes Only Blog.

Lizzie and me trying to do synchro

Five-A-Live:

All in all, it was a great birthday!! I did get my license renewed *huzzah*. However, now it says "under 21" instead of "under 18." I can't get away from any sort of conviction of that sort, can I? *sigh*

Either Marck or I will have some pictures from the pool party the following Saturday very soon.

~Jessica

Quote, quote, quotes, unquote, are stupid, unquote...

For everyone's general knowledge, my friends and I (not all my friends, but a few so far) have started a blog for quotes. It's that simple. There's a link on the sidebar where I have all my links to all my favorite blogs...this is going to be fun!!!

Again, can't contain my excitement...*jumps around overenthusiastically, and everyone rolls their eyes...it's just natural, everyday Jessica-like behavior...*

I'll write later about my misadventures with the Valley Girl Coffee Lady...

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I'm 18, Whoopee!

I wished for a pet giraffe

And all I got was...was...something that rhymes with "ee"...


Well, I get my real license today. That means that, when I drive after nine now, I don't have to be really inconspicuous...

~Jessica

One of "Those" Entries...

I have just been informed by a certain “Allison”-type-person that I need to update my blog. Thus, this entry...

Many of you are probably wondering how my life has been since my last entry. Well…it’s been just fine, thanks for allowing me to ask for you. The family reunion was kind of a bummer in the area of my own generation, but the two above mine were fine people, resulting in many fine relationships with older people. This generation is just not RIGHT sometimes, you know? However, we homeschoolers and ex-homeschoolers are just fine, am I right, or am I right? Ha ha…sorry for the generalization about non-homeschoolers. Y’all are pretty much okay, I guess…especially since my parents are included in that category.

Anyways, I had an itchy spot and I scratched it and I believe I feel slightly sun burnt. Allow me a moment to check. Okay…only on that small line right before my tan line, where I seemed to have missed putting sunscreen. It’s on both sides. Fancy that. At least I am consistent and symmetrical in my inconsistent unsymmetrical ways.

So the Totally Amazingly B’gorious Seahawks stole another win, leaving us completely UNDEFEATED!!! It is very amazing, considering that at the beginning of last season we were at the bottom of the last division. That’s a bit of a comeback, I’d say. So I believe we get a trophy, and get to move up at least one division, which will make me happy. The thing is that I won’t be able to swim in the fall because of time, won’t be able to compete in the fall because of graduating, and will only have one summer left (next summer…) before having to completely move on forever. However, I am making plans to continue to play water polo (I almost typed “water polka”, which is something a little similar to “water disco” which Matt and I are currently working on perfecting) on the day that Coach has that, which I hope is Wednesday (or Monday)…although I just realized that with the school schedule I have now (not much) I would be able to make it on Tuesday or Thursday. Anyhooness, I really like water polo. Have I ever said that? And I scored a goal on Matt yesterday. Yes, that’s an accomplishment. I think…better go check before bragging more…

Today was nice. I had planned to wake up at six, work out some, take a shower, get ready and go with Elizabeth B. to Wake Tech to clear up some advising stuff. Well, I don’t remember staying up too late last night, though I don’t remember what time I went to sleep, either. And what was I doing…? I seem to recall some faint vision of playing the guitar or something, but then I think that was the night before…well, I don’t know what I was up to. It’s not really important anyway. The point is that I woke up at ten after seven and Elizabeth was supposed to pick me up at eight. I looked in the mirror and…my hair was even on both sides, even though I slept in it! I was amazed. I had to straighten out my bangs a bit, wash my face, put on a little makeup and drink some coffee, and I was ready to go.

We stopped by MacDonald’s for breakfast, and don’t you all just go assuming I didn’t drink more coffee there or anything…that would be ridiculous. We when to Tech, got our advising, I bought my books, and then we went up to Target and Best Buy to look for birthday presents for Michelle. I was about to say what I got for Michelle, but then I remembered she reads my blog sometimes. Um…I also got a new purse finally, because one of the straps on my beloved light brown leather back pack broke, and for some reason the amount of things I keep in my purse has grown since last time I used either of my other purses, so I needed a new one. Thus, a very nice dark brown “leather” purse from Target. I was about to go into a purse crisis, you see. Too small, too big, too shiny and sparkly, too beach bag-ish. But this one is perfect. You know, I should start naming my purses. Hmmm…

I went to the Bradburn’s for lunch where Michelle had prepared some very yummy chicken-thing, with a side of some squash-thing (sorry to totally butcher the names of the dishes, but I can’t remember them…it was great anyways). While she was cooking that, Elizabeth and I looked at some clips on YouTube from “Across the Universe” which is a new movie using Beatles songs for the musical numbers.

I think it would be neat to take the work of some singer or band and make that into a musical. Like they did with Abba in “Mamma Mia.” So today I started thinking about, if I did that, how I would do it, and who I would use. But the thing is that a moment later I realized that I would want to use my own music to go with whatever story I needed the music for. Still, I guess it’s a cool kind of challenge to write a story around existing music, at least for me, anyways. And…that got me thinking that what if I took my own songs and wrote something around them? So I am opening my little binder where I keep most of my finished songs, and the first song, “Understand” is…too wordy and complicated. I don’t know what you think, but songs for musicals shouldn’t be that way. They should be concise and straightforward. Or maybe that’s redundant, but you know what I mean. Second song, “Here” (Rachel J.’s favorite song), is…reflective…you know? I change tenses in this song. No I don’t. There’s just a flashback-thingy. Never mind. Third song, “Residing”, is…longish, but that’s not bad. Actually might work. And actually-actually…it might work better for this thingy I was writing and thinking about turning into a musical that I started writing lyrics for…I don’t know. I like this song though. Fourth song… “Elijah”. Ah, yes…straightforward and concise, no doubt about that. Though not very musical-ish. The fifth song, “Away”, has too much imagery to be in a musical. “Hating One, Loving One, Expecting One”, the sixth song, might work. A monologue kind of thing…yeah. So that’s two so far. The seventh…it really, really, really depends on the context…and that’s a bit more of a personal song anyway. And there’s the part where she’s explaining and the part where she’s talking to the one she’s explaining about. That could be broken up into two songs…oh! To expand “Rockwell”…that would be really cool! I could devise the whole plot around “Rockwell”! Now I’m getting excited. It’s nice to have this blog-thing to brainstorm on. Okay. Three down…or three and a half. “The Freedom In-Between” seems like it could be a good musical song, and it may fit well. Very straightforward. “Time” is even more so…and would work well as well. Five and a half already! Well…now I was just thinking “Sounds of the Morning” and “Questions” were very imagery-laden and wordy songs, but looking at them…they’d make good heartfelt solos. They are kind of alike. Though I guess the only reason I think so is because I wrote them at about the same time. “A Confession” isn’t finished, but it would do for something. This is fun, but now we’re getting into my older depressing stuff. “Forever Winter”…hm…aside from being perfect for a Narnia musical (though no Miss Denmans requested to use it [gee, I wonder why…marketing usually helps]). “Your Own” may be of some good use after all…and “December”. Wow, that’s an interesting song. Not so sure about that. “Leave it at That” is a good musical-type song…if it can be incorporated. I hate “You and Me.” I know it’s Joanna’s favorite song I’ve ever written, but it’s just a musical cliché and I really hate those. But if musical clichés sell, then…whatever. I’ll have to deny myself the pride of writing something ingenious and go for the cash, I guess. So that’s all in that folder. There are a few others I’m working on which may work…well, whatever. Just some stuff to put in my thinker.

After lunch, Elizabeth dropped me off at the pool, where I finally got to spend some time with Elayna. Then…surprise! One of my friends and her mom came to the pool! Marck was a little disappointed because the two brothers in that family couldn’t come. They had come straight from shopping or something, so my friend had to swim in some clothes which dragged a whole lot, but it was all okay. We went diving down to the bottom of the diving pool, and I helped her on her dive and her butterfly. She says my butterfly is as pretty as ballet, and I’m like a graceful serpent moving through the water…*sniffle* *sniffle* *tear*…how…nice…*sniff*. She actually said “snake”, but “serpent” sounds much more romantic, don’t you think?

After Elayna left, my aunt stopped by the pool, and came over to our house afterwards. Haylea shared some brownies with me, and Charlie informed me that he was going to college in Tennessee. EVERYBODY IS GOING TO TENNESSEE. Jeffrey, Micah, and now Charlie. Wonderful. Well, it is nice there. I’d go live there, out in the country somewhere. And I remember there was this really cool science museum in Chattanooga. That’s such a weird name. Weirder than Kalamazoo. I think Raleigh, Cary, Apex, Durham, Knightdale, Zebulon, Wake Forest, and Chapel Hill are very elegant names.

The song in my head right now is “Annie Waits” by Ben Folds. I like that song, FYI.

So, it’s sad. The last thing for summer swim team is this Tuesday. Water polo playoffs, the fun meet, and the awards banquet. Then it’s done. Finished. I’m going to start crying (again)…I hope…oh, yeah. I already talked about this, didn’t I? Well, gee. Maybe I should stop thinking about the end of swim team so much. FOCUS, Jessica. There’s things to be done around here, like…like…AHHHHHHH!!! I am about to GO CRAZY!!! Do you understand what I mean? When you just get a sudden inspiration to get SOMETHING done RIGHT NOW…when you literally get all twitchy and feel like if you don’t do something, for heaven’s sake, you’ll just go absolutely insane and start running around the back yard in a panicked manner, pulling your hair out and stamping it into the ground? That last sentence was actually taken from a dialogue in a book I’m writing…but taken from real life experience originally, anyways. So there. Don’t you ever feel like that? I feel like that approximately every two weeks or so. It is kind of annoying, because it causes me to stay up late even when I need to wake up early the next morning.

I am wondering right now why I am not feeling a giant pang of jealousy, having been informed about a certain person doing something else with a certain other person which this certain person would have rather been doing with one of those said certain people but not the other certain person around. Whichever certain person is excluded except for this certain person, this certain person certainly doesn’t care and hopes those certain persons certainly don’t take this personally. Another certain person may know what this certain person is talking about…but should certainly keep his or her mouth shut, because this certain person should stop talking about this, even though she feels like keeping on. This certain person can sigh all she wants to, and wonder all she wants to, but it’s not going to solve anything, and this certain person says that perhaps the other two certain people simply were certainly not doing anything pertaining to anything which this certain person would rather…oh, never mind. UGH-ness-icity. This certain person is having an attitude and denying everything.

I am not!!!

Hm.

So to end on a more flavorful note, I was thinking about something I cannot remember. Hey, you want another clip from my book? Let me go find something really quickly. Okay, here goes. Try to see if you can guess the inspiration for the following passage:

Jacob and I followed, stopping in the den. While the walls still had dark wood paneling, the shag carpet had obviously been pulled up and replaced with nice, fluffy cream colored carpet. I glanced around, feeling a bit out of place, especially when my eyes fell upon a person who could only have been who Mrs. Madison had indicated was talking to two girls—Jack Madison.

I was instantly enthralled. There was something about his face. It was so average, but stood out somehow. Maybe it was that it was so averaged, and therefore quite perfect. What made it even more perfect was the thick, smooth chin-length light brown hair which framed the perfectly average face. As he sat talking, he moved in a very animated sort of way, and as he did, his hair moved very animatedly with him. I could only seem to think in my head for that moment when
I first laid eyes on him, “Wow, look at his hair…it goes, swish-swish…”

A moment later he looked up, very intently with his animated, yet fixated and stern-like gray eyes, and as he greeted Jacob excitedly I began to feel very shallow for allowing such meaningless thoughts as ones about the movement of a guy’s hair. “Hey, Jake, what’s been happening?”

So, that’s it for now! Sorry to keep you all in suspense about what happens between…well, never mind. You all certainly will not ever know “what’s been happening” with Jacob, now, will you?

Later!
--Jessica

I is sleepy...

Yes'm I is! I doesn't kuh-no why, ding dang it!!

Okay...whatever that's supposed to mean...

So this weekend was pretty interesting. First of all, Friday night we got a new puppy! Okay, well, Marck got a new puppy. He's been wanting one for a long time, you see, and well...we were looking on Craig's List...okay, Marck was looking on Craig's List, and there was this couple who was fostering a dog who had recently given birth to eight multi-fathered puppies, who also became foster dogs. We got one, his name is Mitch and he is very, very, very, very cute. There are pictures up on Marck's blog (again, "Marck's blog" is a link, you just can't tell) of Mitch being very, very, very, very cute.

Second of all, we (that is, the Unintentionals and I or me or whoever [just points to self since she's being so grammar-deficient]) did a fundraiser show for the CCI youth missions people. The best part was...the free food. I'm telling you, it's just awesome to work for free food. I'd do shows all day every day if it got me food. The worst part was...the audience. For the most part they were very boring and unreceptive. If you've ever been an audience, I'm sorry. If you were that audience, I'm even more sorry. For you and for me. You know, it's supposed to be funny. Laugh. The kids are laughing! Don't act like 9th graders who think it's too cool to do/like/be associated with such "dorky" things as improv comedy (or anything else, really...[again, sorry for the harsh generalization, all ye olde faithful good non-cool 9th graders out there...]). Okay, enough complaining about that.

After we cleaned up from the show, a few of us stopped by Kroger to get some snacks before we went to Robin's house. Earlier that day over some e-mails we had decided that we would retreat to Robin's for a pool party while doing notes. We got there at about ten o'clock, took a little tour of the downstairs, SOME of us got on swim suits, and then we all went outside for some notes and munchies. After notes, Todd, Chris, Mr. Thoman, Cameron, Austin and I all played some nice, very intense water basketball, which was fun, of course. Everyone else was too dignified to get into the pool...well, except Kathy. She got in for a few minutes, anyway. :) Then, little bit by little bit, everyone went inside to play Rock Star (or some video game that seemed like it had that title, but I can't remember) and Todd and I stayed out in the pool a little longer. We kept saying we would go in and play with everyone else, but then we'd get out, he'd take my shorts, throw them into the pool, and we'd go after them, he'd get them, I'd chase after him, he'd throw them to the other side of the pool, I'd try to go after them, and he'd grab my leg to keep me from going anywhere. You would think I'd learn a different strategy after the fifth or sixth time.

Finally, I took my shorts in hand and wouldn't let go (Don't worry, I still had my skirt I had worn all day and my jeans I wore in the show with me), so we officially dried off, went inside, got dressed, and went to go play Rock Star with the other dignified folks. It's like Guitar Hero, you see, but there are drums and vocals as well as guitar. I was too afraid to try the guitar and the drums, so I just sang some. I did a little "Juke Box Hero" (Dean and Todd failed on me with the drums and guitar so I never got my score), some "All the Small Things" (on which I scored a 99%!!) and "Dead or Alive" (a measly 97%...). Dean made me sing the rest of some Rolling Stones song he had started singing but didn't know, but I didn't know it either, and then we never finished it, so IDK about that. Anyway, we all decided that we will be doing the video game for our regular shows next week instead of improv. That will sure be fun!! Ha ha ha...

So I got home at about 1:30, which wouldn't have seemed so late, except that we had to get up later that morning and go to church. David, Luanna and Barb were tired from the night before, too. Poor us. Anyway, during the service, they called all the '08 graduates up on stage to acknowledge them. Since Covenant is kind of far away from my house, I haven't been participating in any youth group stuff there or anything. Improv is my "church involvement", if you will. So I felt a little...undeserving...being up there with the rest of the kids who actually do youth group stuff. What made it worse was that they gave out books, and I felt like I didn't deserve a book because...well, to the youth leader-people, I probably was just there for one time, taking advantage of their book purchases, up for some free stuff, you know? Okay, so I do improv with those improv people. I've shown up at church events. I'm THERE, you know? So maybe I deserve a book...? But I think the worst thing of all was that I know a few weeks ago in the bulletin I had seen the announcement about the '08 graduates..."send in a baby picture and a current school picture now for a slide show for the graduates on such and such date." When my mom and I read that, she had asked me if I wanted to do it, and I said "Nah," thinking along the same lines as my thoughts I was thinking up there about getting a free book out of the whole ordeal.

So I thought, "Well, maybe we might sit down back in our seats before the slide show starts." And...then...we...didn't. I was beginning to consider asking the guy handing out the books if I could be excused to my seat, but then I thought that was kind of ridiculous. So as the slide show started, I just pretended to be very deeply interested in my book so that I would shroud my face and no one would be able to see that I wasn't in it! I felt a little better when the guy next to me asked if I had a picture in the slide show. I said no, and asked if he did, and he said no. That made me feel comfortable enough to actually watch the slide show.

As I was watching, one baby picture came up that looked oddly familiar to me. Well, the little girl did. So I thought that maybe it was some girl I grew up with when we went to Covenant when I was little and didn't really remember. Then I thought, you know what? That girl sure looks a whole lot like me...! And then the next picture, the current school picture was...MY GRADUATION PICTURE!!! I believe my eyes popped out on little slinkies and my bottom jaw became disconnected from the top and fell crashing to the floor. After putting my face back, I watched the rest of the slide show with a new found confidence, thinking to myself, oh, THAT is what my family was doing that night on the family computer that I wasn't allowed to participate in!!

Well, anyway, that was my interesting weekend. I can't write anymore, because I need to go do dishes...hurrah...

~Jessica

Good grief, where did I go...?

So, as many of you recall from my last entry, I graduated this weekend. Okay, enough celebrating, let's get back to business, I say. Actually, I don't feel too well. I had a coughing thing, and then I had a sniffling thing, and then I had a throaty thing, and now I have a head-thing, and a stomach thing. I'm not really contagious, but I feel quite rotten. But don't feel sorry for me, I'm just apologising that this entry isn't going to be very lively, because I don't feel like being lively at the moment.

Disclaimers aside, I can now say I had a wonderful time at the conference. I saw lots of people I know, lots of people I didn't know, and even somebody I did know but didn't know I knew and now I do. Yes, I can go back and change my answer on that survey...I have met someone in person who I beforehand knew online. Her name is Natalie, and on her blog she has a picture of us together as physical proof it did actually happen. The story is, I had felt like washing my hands because I had nothing else better to do (thankfully) before the next session started (Jeff Myers! Yay!). Suddenly I heard my name called. Well, all those two days (this was Friday) it had been happening, because I kept seeing people I knew there. But unlike those people's usual, "Jessica!" or "Wow, good to see you, Jessica!" or (said in a very smooth way) "Jessica, how's it going?" This was more like a hesitant question..."Jessica...? From the blog...?" Well, I thought, I have a blog... As usual, nothing intelligent could go through my head but ANYHOO, I looked up, and this girl about my height said, "Um, I'm Natalie..." and immediately it clicked. I probably said something like, "OHHHHHHH!!!!!" and I'm sure my eyes went very wide with some degree of shock and amazement. We chatted for a second or two, and then I felt like the restroom was getting very crowded, and so I asked her what session she was going to, and she was going to the one on "Guy/Girl Relationships" with Jeff Myers also, so I said I would see her there and took off to try and get good seats.

So we sat together for that session, and then the session after that on Postmodernism, and then she had to go to a birthday party. So I went down stairs and pretended I wasn't looking admirably at the guy with the hair that went swish-swish as he talked animatedly with all the millions of girls surrounding him as I checked my text messages, and then who should call my name from behind me but Andrew, who I had seen around that day and who was always on the other side of the room at the dance the night before so we had not gotten to talk to each other yet. Therefore we took the time to think about what sessions we were going to go to. I wanted to go to the next Jeff Myers one, which I could remember had something to do with Buffoons, so I kept calling it the Buffoon One, and Andrew thought he was supposed to meet his parents at a different one in the Ballroom somewhere in the Marriott, so we walked up there. His parents weren't there but Micah was, so the three of us went back up to the Buffoon One. We were so late we had to sprawl out on the floor and get neck cramps trying to take notes from the slide projector, but it was good anyway. After that, where we finally found some of Andrew's family, we found the rest of them, and then they left for dinner, leaving me all alone. My family had decided to leave me there and go to Cracker Barrel with grandma. About an hour later they came with a salad, which I ate with great relish but thankfully without any actual relish on the salad. After eating we all rushed to the talent show. Turns out my cousins were there, and we sat together and had lots of fun making fun of most of the participants.

Saturday was hectic. I got up and got all ready. I was going to wear my favorite blue jeans, my Swimmer's excuses shirt and my Sketchers and change into my fancy clothes right before the lineup. But NO. Instead, I had to go ahead and wear my v-neck, skirt and heels all day. Good thing was I got a laptop, so happy thoughts sort of blocked out my upset thoughts of being uncomfortable all day. Except that...I had five billion mosquito bites all over my lower legs! So, I ran back down from the room my parents, Marck and Robert shared on the 5th floor back to the room grandma and I shared on the 2nd floor, and was going to put some makeup on my legs to cover it all up (I know, very ridiculous but I felt it had to be done), and as I was about to do that, I realized I hadn't shaved since Wednesday or something, so I dashed into the bathroom, shaved the bottom parts of my legs as quickly as possible, grabbed my liquid makeup and some lotion and ran out, down stairs and into the van where I quickly applied both to my legs in the opposite order that I mentioned them in on the way to the conference. I was very late to the first session, so again I had to sit on the floor...in a skirt. Yay. No more sprawling out for me! Then I saw my cousin Lauren again, and decided to sit with her for the next session. That's when Natalie came in, I waved her over and then, lo and behold, Natalie and Lauren knew each other! Weirdness.

After that session, I was grabbed by mother and herded to the parking deck where I adorned my lovely green gown and saved the wearing of my hat for later, and ran back to the North Main hall thingy to sit around and hear some guy talk for an hour and a half about going up stairs and stepping on X's and YES, I have to agree with Natalie that homeschoolers cannot follow traffic patterns, not that that has anything to do with anything. But the whole two-by-two became a little tedious as we had to stop several times on the way to being moved to some other room to listen to more instructions and quickly snarf down chick-fil-a sandwiches and make sure the collar things were tucked in right and stuff like that ...what was I saying?

Oh, forget it.

So once the ceremony actually started (in another room which we were moved to AGAIN), it went fine. I met some very nice new people, though ended up stuck in a ceremony with two people I kind of knew, because the rest of my senior friends had decided NOT TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE...well, I don't really know. Anyway, I was a little upset by that, but I'm fine now. At least Allison came.

We came back the next day and I can't remember much except that we ate pizza and I was really tired. And the muffin thing. But I'll save the muffin story for later...too tired for that now.

So long!
~Jessica

Right at this Very Moment...

I am:

GRADUATING!!!!!!!

Then I'll be done with all of you still-homeschooled punks forever!!!...just kidding. Yeah, that was mean. I promise not to say it again. If you're too hurt to wish me congrats, etc., I understand. Don't worry about stupid, little, heartless me. But I still love you all...

;)

~Jessica, who is not a homeschooler anymore and is now very nostalgic *lower lip quivers as her eyes well up and her cheeks flush*