The Freedom In-Between

Music and Lyrics by Jessica Claire Barker

(lyrics posted, music not because Jessica does not understand musical notation to any great depths, or at all, really…)

To: My Very Good but Somewhat Lost Friend

From: Your Very Good but Somewhat “Out There” Friend

Verse One:

Where did your imagination go?
I can tell you I sure don’t know
Was it even there in the first place?
If it was, I can’t even find a trace

Why can’t you look at the world upside down?
Run backwards in a circle, round and round
See inspiration in the locks of someone’s hair
In the morning sun, in the midnight air

Channel:
So I will tell you
That I want you to

Chorus
Come with me
See all there is to see
A beach is not just a beach
It’s a place to imagine everything
Look inside, look beyond
See what I’m really fond of
Because I thought I loved you
Till I realized you see nothing in between

Verse Two:
I told you about my dreams
You shrug them off, so it seems
(Don’t you know) there only can my mind really soar
I had thought you would want to hear more

Can’t you see there’s a better world I live in?
Just close your eyes and count to ten
There’s a box you’ve got to stop living inside
While I run in meadows you can’t just hide

(Chorus)

Bridge One:
They say there’s freedom in music
So I know you will hate this song
You’ve got a mind, now don’t use it
Go with the rest of the crowd, get along

Bridge Two:
No fairy tales, no midnight walks
No flower fields, no dreamy talks
No climbing to the peaks of mountains
No splashing through the public fountains
No swimming straight to England’s coast
No time spent reading books I love the most
No floating on a boat all day
Singing to the fish to swim away
No stargazing, or cloud watching
No snow angles…

Tag:
I guess I’ll have to leave you behind
I had someone else in mind…

Good grief, where did I go...?

So, as many of you recall from my last entry, I graduated this weekend. Okay, enough celebrating, let's get back to business, I say. Actually, I don't feel too well. I had a coughing thing, and then I had a sniffling thing, and then I had a throaty thing, and now I have a head-thing, and a stomach thing. I'm not really contagious, but I feel quite rotten. But don't feel sorry for me, I'm just apologising that this entry isn't going to be very lively, because I don't feel like being lively at the moment.

Disclaimers aside, I can now say I had a wonderful time at the conference. I saw lots of people I know, lots of people I didn't know, and even somebody I did know but didn't know I knew and now I do. Yes, I can go back and change my answer on that survey...I have met someone in person who I beforehand knew online. Her name is Natalie, and on her blog she has a picture of us together as physical proof it did actually happen. The story is, I had felt like washing my hands because I had nothing else better to do (thankfully) before the next session started (Jeff Myers! Yay!). Suddenly I heard my name called. Well, all those two days (this was Friday) it had been happening, because I kept seeing people I knew there. But unlike those people's usual, "Jessica!" or "Wow, good to see you, Jessica!" or (said in a very smooth way) "Jessica, how's it going?" This was more like a hesitant question..."Jessica...? From the blog...?" Well, I thought, I have a blog... As usual, nothing intelligent could go through my head but ANYHOO, I looked up, and this girl about my height said, "Um, I'm Natalie..." and immediately it clicked. I probably said something like, "OHHHHHHH!!!!!" and I'm sure my eyes went very wide with some degree of shock and amazement. We chatted for a second or two, and then I felt like the restroom was getting very crowded, and so I asked her what session she was going to, and she was going to the one on "Guy/Girl Relationships" with Jeff Myers also, so I said I would see her there and took off to try and get good seats.

So we sat together for that session, and then the session after that on Postmodernism, and then she had to go to a birthday party. So I went down stairs and pretended I wasn't looking admirably at the guy with the hair that went swish-swish as he talked animatedly with all the millions of girls surrounding him as I checked my text messages, and then who should call my name from behind me but Andrew, who I had seen around that day and who was always on the other side of the room at the dance the night before so we had not gotten to talk to each other yet. Therefore we took the time to think about what sessions we were going to go to. I wanted to go to the next Jeff Myers one, which I could remember had something to do with Buffoons, so I kept calling it the Buffoon One, and Andrew thought he was supposed to meet his parents at a different one in the Ballroom somewhere in the Marriott, so we walked up there. His parents weren't there but Micah was, so the three of us went back up to the Buffoon One. We were so late we had to sprawl out on the floor and get neck cramps trying to take notes from the slide projector, but it was good anyway. After that, where we finally found some of Andrew's family, we found the rest of them, and then they left for dinner, leaving me all alone. My family had decided to leave me there and go to Cracker Barrel with grandma. About an hour later they came with a salad, which I ate with great relish but thankfully without any actual relish on the salad. After eating we all rushed to the talent show. Turns out my cousins were there, and we sat together and had lots of fun making fun of most of the participants.

Saturday was hectic. I got up and got all ready. I was going to wear my favorite blue jeans, my Swimmer's excuses shirt and my Sketchers and change into my fancy clothes right before the lineup. But NO. Instead, I had to go ahead and wear my v-neck, skirt and heels all day. Good thing was I got a laptop, so happy thoughts sort of blocked out my upset thoughts of being uncomfortable all day. Except that...I had five billion mosquito bites all over my lower legs! So, I ran back down from the room my parents, Marck and Robert shared on the 5th floor back to the room grandma and I shared on the 2nd floor, and was going to put some makeup on my legs to cover it all up (I know, very ridiculous but I felt it had to be done), and as I was about to do that, I realized I hadn't shaved since Wednesday or something, so I dashed into the bathroom, shaved the bottom parts of my legs as quickly as possible, grabbed my liquid makeup and some lotion and ran out, down stairs and into the van where I quickly applied both to my legs in the opposite order that I mentioned them in on the way to the conference. I was very late to the first session, so again I had to sit on the floor...in a skirt. Yay. No more sprawling out for me! Then I saw my cousin Lauren again, and decided to sit with her for the next session. That's when Natalie came in, I waved her over and then, lo and behold, Natalie and Lauren knew each other! Weirdness.

After that session, I was grabbed by mother and herded to the parking deck where I adorned my lovely green gown and saved the wearing of my hat for later, and ran back to the North Main hall thingy to sit around and hear some guy talk for an hour and a half about going up stairs and stepping on X's and YES, I have to agree with Natalie that homeschoolers cannot follow traffic patterns, not that that has anything to do with anything. But the whole two-by-two became a little tedious as we had to stop several times on the way to being moved to some other room to listen to more instructions and quickly snarf down chick-fil-a sandwiches and make sure the collar things were tucked in right and stuff like that ...what was I saying?

Oh, forget it.

So once the ceremony actually started (in another room which we were moved to AGAIN), it went fine. I met some very nice new people, though ended up stuck in a ceremony with two people I kind of knew, because the rest of my senior friends had decided NOT TO PARTICIPATE IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE...well, I don't really know. Anyway, I was a little upset by that, but I'm fine now. At least Allison came.

We came back the next day and I can't remember much except that we ate pizza and I was really tired. And the muffin thing. But I'll save the muffin story for later...too tired for that now.

So long!
~Jessica

Right at this Very Moment...

I am:

GRADUATING!!!!!!!

Then I'll be done with all of you still-homeschooled punks forever!!!...just kidding. Yeah, that was mean. I promise not to say it again. If you're too hurt to wish me congrats, etc., I understand. Don't worry about stupid, little, heartless me. But I still love you all...

;)

~Jessica, who is not a homeschooler anymore and is now very nostalgic *lower lip quivers as her eyes well up and her cheeks flush*

One of those survey things...

1. What time is it? 9:39 pm

2. What's your full Name? Jessica Claire Lastname

3. What are you most afraid of? Not doing it all before I die

4. What is the last movie you saw in a theater? Prince Caspian

5. Place of birth? Raleigh, NC

6. Favorite foods? Cookie dough ice cream, coffee (Starbucks or McCafe, take your pick)

7. What's your natural hair color? I agree with Elayna...reddish-brownish

8. What comes to mind when you think of Alaska? Denali National Park

9. Ever been toilet paper rolling? Every time I go to the bathroom...

10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Sadly, yes...*sniffle* *tear*

11. Been in a car accident? No, fortunately, because I would be scarred for life.

12. Croutons or bacon bits? Cracker Barrel croutons...yum

13. Favorite day of the week? Whenever there's improv or water polo!

14. Favorite restaurant? At the moment, Mimi's. That is, Mimi's Cafe (Marck corrected me, as guys like to do)

15. Favorite Flower? Orchid

16. Favorite sports to watch? Water polo, basketball, baseball and football

17. Favorite drink? Vault. Again, I say, I have betrayed the Mountain Dew. That is, we got a divorce.

18. Favorite ice cream? Cookie dough

19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney, I guess

20. Ever been on a ship? The Titanic...no, not really. No, I haven't been on a ship.

21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Tumbleweed.

22. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? Dean

23. What do you do when you are bored? Lay around and get miserable thinking about how bored I am. Then I usually will read something or write. If I'm really miserable, though, I'll eat something and watch TV.

24. What is your bedtime? I used to say I would go to bed no later then 10 so I could get up and not feel cheated. Now I get 5 or 6 hours usually.

25. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? I'm posting this on a blog, not an e-mail. But Abigail might convince Enil to snatch it.

26. Who is the person you sent this to that least likely to respond? All the people who don't read my blog...oh, that I "sent" this to? I don't know...maybe Allison since she never blogs, but this is the sort of thing for lazy bloggers. *cough*

27. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Not Allison, because I know the answer to everything already.

28. Favorite TV shows? Once upon a time I enjoyed Alias and That 70's Show. Then I liked Chuck and On the Lot. Now...sometimes I'll record Dog Whisperer or Mythbusters.

29. Last person you went to dinner with? Like, out and about? Um, my family.

30. What is your favorite vacation spot? I like nature, so anywhere like that.

31. What are your favorite colors? Forest green, black, and red.

32. How many times have you been sick on Christmas day? Poor Marck...he was VERY sick on Christmas and I caught it a day later...

33. How many pets do you have? Two.

35. What do you want to do before you die? Everything.

36. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, unfortunately. I want to go, though. During the off-season.

37. Have you been to any countries outside the US? Nope, but it's on the list of things to do before I die and preferably very soon!

38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Whoever reads it, gosh-darn it.

39. What time is it now? 10:00 pm

~Jessica (and I took this from Elayna, btw)

What is Moral?

This is in answer to a question Chris asked on his blog which I, being such a global thinker, answered slightly incorrectly and then realized what I did only three or four paragraphs later...

So, I think the question is really what do I consider immoral? I mean, I think it's always easier to say what not to do than what you can do, in any situation because what you can do is endless, seemingly. So as long as you know what you can't do (and you don't do it), then you can go about your business doing everything else. There, I said it.

Immoral...means things like having sex before marriage, doing sex-like things before marriage (and where do you draw the line? Good question! Therefore, don't do anything...). Killing people is bad, we all know that. Cheating on your spouse is bad. Why develop a habit of doing it by cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend now? Cheating in general is bad, really. Your genius is your own and if you don't got nothin' in that area I guess you'd better do something about it, or work with what you have. It's good to love the people around you. Or at least appreciate them. Don't hate everyone you run into. And being amiable is a good thing.

What is moral is a matter of opinion. Everyone can decide for himself or herself what is right and wrong. Some people choose to follow the Bible or some other book. But I believe that Common Law should at least be followed, because a lot of "immoral" things would be banned if we just went back to that. "1. Do all you have agreed to do. 2. Do not encroach on other people or their property." The government doesn't even exist with that law anymore, and won't because...well, they ARE the government, after all. Who can stop them?

Sex before marriage doesn't really fit as being something against Common Law. Unless it's rape, but that's a different sort of thing. I mean, I guess you could say that since a man and a woman aren't legally bound in marriage, the man and woman would be encroaching on each others' bodies. OR that, as in most cases, those who have sex before marriage do it noncommittal a lot of the times. That leads to broken hearts, which leads to the broken law #1 of Common Law. However, neither one of those is a very sound argument, so I'll leave Common Law out of this.

To me, it just seems like a silly idea. Every once and a while I come up with really good reasons which would apply to anybody and not just Christians, but then somehow I forget them because I don't need that sort of justification, I guess. They are REALLY good reasons, I assure you. I just can't remember them right now. Or maybe I just get too swept up in all the world's reasons why it's okay to sleep around, blah blah blah, and all I know to do is hold fast to Christianity and my purity. It's important! It's special! It's as far as you can go, so why do it with everyone, why not save it for the one you're going to be with forever?!?!?!?

Yeah, that's it. I remembered now.

Even not littering is a moral. I don't do it because...well, the only time I think of doing it is when I have a sticky apple core that I'm eating in the car. But I don't want to look silly throwing it out the window, even if it is biodegradable. And what if it misses the side of the road and flies back and hits the windshield of the person behind me? Yeah, I don't like making people angry, at least that way, anyway.

So, does that answer the question? "Somewhat," you're probably saying. And you'll probably ask more questions in the comments, which is okay.

And for the record, I don't think chivalry is dead. I think some people wrongly assume it is, but those people can just go along their merry ways, and I'll just go about mine.

~Jessica

Safari!

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity..."

Oh, let's just face it.  It was most definitely the worst of times.

I'm sure Elayna will just laugh her face off when she hears this (but be sure to put it back on afterwards...):  It was worse than a port-a-potty.  Yes, I said WORSE.  No body has thought that possible.  But, then, they certainly could not have expected any more than I did what I endured yesterday.  Now are you intrigued? 

The day started out like any other day these days.  I was so tired when my alarm went off that I don't remember turning it off and going back to sleep, but somehow I ended up waking up at a quarter till nine anyhow.   After breakfast I called the owner of the pool and asked her if I needed to come in to do anything today.  She said yes, told me one thing to do, told me to call her when I was done, et cetera.  Why do we always say "etc" anyway?  It's not like writing "et cetera" takes that much longer.  Is it because it's not English?  Well, we don't abbreviate rendezvous, do we?  Well, anyhooness... 

I got to Candler and physically removed the cedar tree which had been chopped down and chopped up a bit.  There were lots of tiny pieces and then one very large, very heavy piece which I didn't get very far until I realized I was being a bit wimpy and not even trying to use all the strength in my back and legs.  After I changed that little mentality the tree moved fine, and I got it plenty out of the way of the dumpster so the garbage people could get to said dumpster and dump it.  

I felt like I wanted coffee, so mom stopped by and brought me a mocha latte from McDonalds (really, they're almost as good as Starbucks, and it's just the strangest thing!) which I drank while trying to scrub/chip/scrape/curse off caulking on the inside top of the pool.  I know this is starting to sound like another "Day in the Life" entry, but I promise it's not.  This is all leading up to something, really.  

The phone rang a couple of times, but the third time it was a certain very nice lady from the garbage-dumpster-company-people saying that they came by that morning and couldn't dump the trash because the cedar tree was in the way.  "Okay, well, we had someone take care of that this afternoon,"  I told her, not mentioning that I was that someone.  Then she mentioned that they also couldn't take the trash because there was "brush in the dumpster" which apparently "contaminates" the trash.  As if that's...?  It just doesn't make sense.  It should be the other way around.  And what else, pray tell, are we supposed to do with all that bramble we had to chop down?  Burn it?  No, the town of Cary doesn't allow bonfires and things like that.  So now what?  Stick it over somewhere and hope no one notices?  

I didn't say that to her.  I simply said, "Alright, thank you for calling, I'll have someone on the brush in the dumpster very soon."

Yes, I also failed to mention that "someone" would be...*gulp*...me.  

I had on my old tennis shoes, my favorite non-fancy pair of blue jeans, my Colonial Arts Camp shirt, and a pair of gardening gloves a size too small.  I wouldn't have felt so obligated to take it out, except that I put it all in there Monday.  Sure, I put it there because Mrs. C. said so.  But I still did it, and it needed to be done before matters got worse (more trash piled on top, et cetera).  So, I opened the top hatch, held my breath and began to grab one bag of trash at a time OUT of the dumpster.  When I was younger, dumpsters just scared me, because they were large and made loud thunder-like noises when anything came in contact with them.  As I got older, I just feared them because they were large germ-infested smelly, yucky, giant trash cans.  I avoid them at all costs, just like port-a-potties.  

At first I thought I was doing alright, till I lifted up one bag and it brushed up against my arm.  I felt something wet for a moment and then after that it felt like I had just been stung by a bee.  I looked on the bag, but there was no trace of said painful insect, so I started thinking I got some sort of chemical on me, and ran to the bathroom to wash my arm off.  Before I went out, I put on my jacket so my arm would be better protected, and when I got back out there I saw these little containers that look like the BJ's or Sam's Club version of vinegar containers, except on the front it said: "CAUTION: POISON."  Great, I thought, now I've done it.  I'm going to die from digging through a dumpster.  I just KNEW this would happen.

While I contemplated what to leave whom in my will, I examined the rest of the container.  Turns out it was Muriatic Acid...don't know what it could possibly be used for.  On the back it said that if it came in contact with the skin, to wash off with soap and water and to seek medical attention.  Well, I did the first part, but I didn't feel like calling all the fire trucks and ambulances up to come save me for nothing.  I thought, if it swells up or turns purple or something else unnatural, I'd call someone.  It never did, so I never did.  I got a bit more on me, between my sleeve and the garden glove.  I washed that off, too, and then went to find some long rubber gloves.

It got so that I had to reach in very far to get a good hold of any of the branches.  Eventually I was straddling the edge of the dumpster.  And, before I knew it...I was all the way inside.  Oh, it was horrible...never mind the humility.  It was hot, smelly, wet, disgusting, I was sweating, I felt like I couldn't get a breath of fresh air.  The branches seemed to go on and on.  I was just flinging them left and right...any way to get them out as fast as possible and thus get me out almost as quickly.  In the end, all that was left were several little leaves  that I couldn't possibly get all of.  I climbed out, closed the top and walked back into the pool house, feeling so repulsive that I almost felt like I was going to cry.  It was the WORSE experience, almost bad enough to make me say I will never complain about a port-a-potty again.  I called Mrs. C, told her I was taking off and then called my mom to come get me.  I just felt awful, and very sick to my stomach.  Who could have foreseen such an awful predicament?  Why didn't I, anyway?  It's so unfortunately like me to get stuck in such situations like that.  If you know what I mean (Allison, anyway), I found it sadly quite MacKenzie-ish (Amy, Katherine and I used to write stories about three sisters who always ended up in strange situations; Allison used to read them and say how much she liked them).  

I am NEVER doing that again.  And, yes, I took a LOOOOOONG shower before going to improv.

~Jessica 

Real quickly here...

I have decided officially to write a post detailing a day in my life and holding absolutely no significance except that it, like I said, details a day in my life...

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008:

I woke up a little after seven, and was not hungry because the night before we had gone to Outback and I ate a lot. SEW I put stamps on envelopes instead, in preparation for the graduation of...there I go again with the rhyming, dang it. After some of this, I got ready for my dad to take some pictures of me to send out with the graduation announcements (yay...you know, I hate having my picture taken. I never ever want to be a model). They turned out real nicely, somehow. I picked one and edited it a bit. Stacey texted me about swim and I responded back...

I snarfed down a banana, some strawberries, squash caserole and potato salad before throwing my stuff in my swim bag (come to think of it...I need to take it out. Yuck) and jumping into the van so we could go pick up Hannah and Noah and proceed to TAC for swim practice, and immediately afterwards, water polo practice. We played boys against girls again and...*sniff* we lost 10-13, I believe was the score. And Noah's going to gloat forevermore that the win was all because of him. I say bah, humbug.

Allison showed up and cheered on the girls, which was nice. Then we all (Lizzie, Sarah, Allison, Victoria and Mrs. H) got in their suburban and drove back to their house so we could leave again for Sarah's flute lesson after Victoria's mom picked her up. The flute lesson was cool, and we all decided Sarah is amazing because she composed a flute duet without any help from Lizzie on the piano...how in the world...?

After that excursion, we went back to their house where we put on makeup, played the piano, ate hotdogs, and...guess what? Left again for Radical Wednesday. We stood around and talked a bit, then all five girls (Kara, Allison, Sarah, Lizzie and me) sat on the blue jean couch to watch the Waco film. What was surprising was that we weren't squished with our hips (as you would expect from girls, I guess) but our shoulders were all too broad (too much swimming?), and it was a bit uncomfortable, but fun anyways.

After the film I ate the cupcakes that Rachel J bought, even though I specifically requested she make them. Then, I was going to play my new song for Allison, but apparently she was too busy talking to Nathan, so Rachel J insisted that she hear it, so I played it for her and then she insisted that I become famous. I said no, thanks anyway.

After that, Nathan, Rachel and I hopped in the Beamer with Mr. J and drove to my house, while Rachel and I had long, lovely conversations about going South-West or whatever. I got home, talked to Chris and Allison more, got ready for bed, got in bed, told them I was going to bed and goodnight, and then fell asleep. I slept very lightly because I had the smart idea to sleep with my window open and with shorts on. Pure genius in the making, I tell you!

So, that was my day. Thank you for reading it, I'm sure that if you took part in my day it was somehow more entertaining to you than if you didn't, which is why I don't write these sorts of entries. But that's okay, might as well do one once in my life, even if just to say I don't want to do it again... *huff* *sigh* *faints of exhaustion*

~Jessica

I Took This From Allison

It's not really mandatory that you credit the person who you took it from. I just did it to make me look a little less like I got it from nowhere or something. Like I made it up because I'm so self-worshiping that way. :)

Anyway, I, too, have too much time on my hands. May I spend it as unwisely as possible:

Put an X by all the things you've done and send it to all of your friends. Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you!!
() smoked a cigarette
() crashed a friend's car
() stolen a car
() been in love
> ()been dumped
> (x) shoplifted
> () been fired
> (x) been in a fist fight
> (x) snuck out of your parent's house
> (x) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
> () been arrested
> () gone on a blind date
> (x) lied to a friend
> () skipped school
> (x) seen someone die
> (x) had a crush on one of your internet friends
> () been to Canada
> () been to Mexico
> (x) been on a plane
> (x) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
> (x) eaten Sushi
> (x) been skiing
> () met someone in person that you met on the internet
> () been moshing at a concert
> (x) taken painkillers
> (x) love someone or miss someone right now
> (x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
> (x) made a snow angel
> (x) had a tea party
> (x) flown a kite
> (x) built a sand castle
> (x) gone puddle jumping
> (x) played dress up
> (x) jumped into a pile of leaves
> (x) gone sledding
> (x) cheated while playing a game
> (x) been lonely
> (x) fallen asleep at work/school
> () used a fake id
> (x) watched the sun set
> () felt an earthquake
> (x) touched a snake
> () slept beneath the stars
> (x) been tickled
> (x) been robbed
> (x) been misunderstood
> (x) petted a reindeer/goat
> (x) won a contest
> () run a red light
> () been suspended from school
> (x) been in a car
> () had braces
> () eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
> (x) had deja vu
> (x) danced in the moonlight
> (x) liked the way you look
> () witnessed a crime
> (x) questioned your heart
> (x) been obsessed with post-it notes
> (x) squished barefoot through the mud
> (x) been lost
> () been to the opposite side of the country
> (x) swam in the ocean
> (x) felt like dying
> (x) cried yourself to sleep
> (x) played cops and robbers
> () recently colored with crayons
> (x) sung karaoke (improvised karaoke!)
> () paid for a meal with only coins
> (x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
> (x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
> (x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
> (x) danced in the rain
> () written a letter to Santa Claus
> () been kissed under a mistletoe
> () watched the sun rise with someone you care about
> (x) blown bubbles
> () made a bonfire on the beach
> () crashed a party
> (x) gone rollerskating
> (x) had a wish come true
> (x) worn pearls
> () jumped off a bridge
> (x) ate dog/cat food
> () told a complete stranger you loved them (for the fun of it)
> (x) sang in the shower
> (x) had a dream that you married someone
> () glued your hand to something
> () got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
> () kissed a fish
> (x) sat on a roof top
> (x) screamed at the top of your lungs
> (x) done a one-handed cartwheel
> () talked on the phone for more than 5 hours
> (x) stayed up all night
> () didn't take a shower for a week.
> (x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
> (x) climbed a tree
> () had a tree house
> (x) own more then 15 pairs of shoes
> (x) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
> () gone streaking
> () are scared to watch scary movies alone
> (x) believe in ghosts
> () have done doorbell ditching
> (x) played chicken
> () broken a bone
> (x) been easily amused
> () caught a fish then ate it
> () caught a butterfly
> (x) laughed so hard you cried
> (x) cried so hard you laughed
> (x) cheated on a test
> () have a Britney Spears CD
> (x) forgotten someone's name
> () French braided someone's hair
> () gone skinny dippin in a pool
> (x) been threatened to be kicked out of your house
> () been kicked out your house

So, there's me. Haven't done much, apparently...at least that's not on the list. I've done a lot, actually, but you don't need to know about that.

~Jessica

Why I like being homeschooled

Thursday morning I met Elizabeth and Michelle at Bruegger's Bagels for some food before we headed over to Colonial Baptist to talk with some moms who were considering homeschooling through high school...or not. A lady whom we all know had asked us to come and talk about what we have liked about being homeschooled through high school, what we didn't like, what sort of curriculum we used, what outside activities we enjoyed, and what other sort of life skills we thought were important to learn and possibly best to learn while being homeschooled were, etc. Derek ended up being there as well, and it was very nice to see him again. He's taller than I am in my 2 1/2 inch heels. Scary...

Thinking about what I was going to say, discussing it with Lizzie and Michelle and then talking about it with the moms has really opened my eyes. I mean, these past two years I have actually been able to see what a complete blessing it has been to be homeschooled. I don't know where I would have been without it. Probably I would have run away and gone off to do something stupid and never come back, gotten kidnapped, put back into school somewhere in Mississippi, and tried to run away from that only to be arrested for tomato-field-lifting and sent to live in the confines of a NASCAR stadium with a controlling father who would make me pick up tire fragments and not even let me eat dessert. That would be most unfortunate.

*ahem* ...SO...I thought I might do a little tribute to nobody in particular and write a list about what I have really liked about homeschooling so that the world can see it's really the only way to go. For people like me. I mean, I guess there are strange people out there that love to live their lives in the classroom, but seriously. Anyhoo, and without further ado, before I catch the flu and say achoo, and then boo-hoo, before I get better and say woo-hoo and whoopdie-doo and put on one dancing shoe and dance with you and the others, too...

I feel like I've already done an "oo" rhyme thing before...darn it.

So before I go I just want you to know that I like the whole flow of the homeschooling show not that it is a show but I had to stoop so low because I had to mow and foe-got to find a good woe-rd to rhyme and so I...give...up...*sigh*

So, here it is, fo-shizz, 'cause I'm a rhyming whiz:

Homeschooling has allowed such freedom. My parents never had any objection with me just going off and studying what I wanted to (as long as it was appropriate). Occasionally they thought it was appropriate to make me write a report about whatever I was interested in, and I actually liked taking what somebody else had written and putting it in my own words while arranging things so that it sounded very official. Yeah...I'm weird like that. I've been writing creatively, though, ever since knew how to write, whenever that was. I remember I wrote something when I was five in a little notebook. It was one paragraph, and told what everybody was doing. Daddy was at work, mommy was in the garden, Marck was probably in the grass somewhere and I was, of course, writing. Hasn't changed much, come to think of it, except Marck goes on bike rides, there's Robert on the trampoline, Nancy's probably eating grass or chasing her tail, and Skyhopper's probably sleeping.

Very valuable information, I'm sure, but back to what I was saying.

I know I was very excited about getting the new homeschool curriculum catalogues every summer, because I could go through and circle the things I wanted to do the next year. Actually, it was very, very, very sad this year when the Sonlight catalogue came. I nearly cried knowing I don't get to do anything! I still made a list of literature, though, and my mom might order some! :) Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Being close to my family is definitely a big plus to being homeschooled. I see all these other families who don't homeschool, and I get confused. They just don't seem to like being a family! And isn't that what "family" is all about? (sorry, starting to sound like a Disney movie here, but I can't help it.) We may not always get along, but in the end I think it's like Clay Aiken says, the people you love most are the people you consequently fight with more. Probably because you're almost too comfortable with them, and you know each other so well that you can hit all the tender spots. BUT I still love my parents and my brothers a whole lot, and would certainly not want to be distanced from them like other kids seem to be from their siblings.

I happened to be one of those overly-rebellious types when I was younger (but I'm working against my type now...developing a new one, that kind of thing, or at least meeting myself somewhere in the middle [wherever that is]), and so I believe it was a very wise decision that my parents made to keep me here at home during the time I would have rather been at public school so I could get away with more things. Stuff like having a boyfriend and wearing immodest clothing at times were my sole goals in life, and I was convinced that the only way to do that was spend the majority of the day away from the house where my parents could not be to make sure I wasn't embarrassing them (or my future self...heh-heh). I believe this is where the tomato-field-lifting and NASCAR confinement part would come in, if you know what I mean. If you don't, ask me later but not on here, if you know what I mean. If you STILL don't know what I mean, either you're an idiot, or I am for assuming that you can read my mind. If you don't know what I meant by that last sentence...oh, forget it. Go eat some pickles and celebrate Eleveno-de-Mayo. Or Dia-de-Madres. Or WHATEVER.

I've never really have developed low self-esteem by worrying if I'm popular enough. I don't know if everyone really does that or if that's a Lizzie McGuire thing that doesn't really exist. I mean, I do still feel a little silly being the only non-mom at the pool who still wears a one piece, but at least now I have the excuse that I can't really afford anything else because all my swimsuit money goes to the Fund for Buying Swim Team Suits for Jessica that She Can Swim Laps in Association Organization (FBSTSJSCSLAO for short). I may get a tankini sometime though...they just look better but ANYWAY...

My parents really "unschooled" us in a lot of ways. We were never signed up for formal music lessons, but I remember the day, I was four or five, when we purchased our little upright piano. I think I would have never really understood music without it, even though I can't really play it very well. But it was always there to fool around on, and gave us a background for any and all other musical endeavors which we might pursue or are currently, as we speak, pursuing.

If I was ever reluctant about school it was in the area of math. I still hate it. After a while my parents decided I was a hopeless math case and basically gave up. I learned a little here and there, and I've certainly learned enough to get me through life (not college, just life...so why do we learn math in college if we're not getting a scientific-ish degree and therefore won't need that math again?). But I would have totally flipped out if I had done math in public school. That, if nothing else, would have triggered the running away part.

My political views and even my scientific views are greatly influenced by my parents and the books they assigned me. Richard Maybury is amazing. He holds the exact viewpoint I want to about history and politics. Nothing else has satisfied. As for evolution vs. Creationism, I've always understood that God created the world and evolution is a cultish hoax of a moronic belief in something really nonsensical (no offense to any evolutionists out there), but by homeschooling I've learned exactly what makes Creationism right and evolution wrong, and it's so simple!

Homeschooling is wonderful, and I expect I'll only leave it for about fifteen years till I have my own brood of children to homeschool. I may do it slightly different from my parents, but I'll keep a lot of the same traditions. They were pioneers, and I'm gonna have my own way of doing things, no doubt, as a second generation homeschooler. But they surely made the right decision, and I don't want to deter away from that too much. Thank you mom and dad!

So...what do you guys think about homeschooling?

~Jessica

Lyrics and a Poem

So I've been doing nothing much lately, except stupid things, as usual. Oh, well. I'm in the middle of a stupid thing right now. But that's okay.

So I like listening to music. I suppose I could at least be Allison's music therapist. They really make those, you know. No, I don't mean they MAKE those...why did I say that? I mean that Music Therapist is an occupation you can get a college degree for and then start a clinic or whatever and then get paid for being there and perscribing MUSIC!!! Isn't that wonderful? I think I've mentioned it before, and I guess that's because I would like to be one, but I don't know if it would be worth it to get such a degree when I could just take a few music and psychology classes and be able to basically do it myself. I already do it. I should start charging Allison. :) But she might then need to listen to music that will console her feeling that she's spending too much money. Plus she's my friend, I think I can give a 100% discount sometimes.

Anyway, so I think instead of taking up the whole page and taking all day typing out someone else's poetry stuff. Or songs. Or whatever that happens to be. I've been listening to my old favorites lately. So I'm gonna use my super-flashy HTML skills and post some links to some songs...

Over Thinking
Somewhere Only We Know
Landslide
Listen to what the Man Said
Everlong
Love Song (I like the little Gilmore Girls video on there, too)
Suddenly
I Love You
On the Turning Away

Anyway, those are just a few. Here's a few I suggested for Allison, who's in an "I-Hate-All-Guys" mood at the moment:

Riot
This Love
Mama Said Knock You Out

Now on to my latest poem, per Michelle's request:

JUST AFTER THE RAIN

Just after the rain
The sky is still gray
But the horizon's turning golden
As if the break of day
But 'tis the West where the sun shines
And it won't rise tonight, but set
The rain droplets are pulled off leaves
Their meaning realized; the ground they have met

Just after the rain
Dogwood petals are a strew
Wet and wilted, yet their beauty
In their abundance does shine through
Azalea blooms are finally fragrant
Though turned with faces towards the ground
Some are loose, like the dogwoods
Trampled beauty all around

Just after the rain
The air is cool and clean
Cold rain water on my toes
A slight breeze-I am at last serene
Green seems to surround me
Maple leaves, lush grass
Bushes and plants all abound
I sigh-this again will also pass

Just after the rain
Puddles reflect the promising horizon
Thunder rolls quietly in the distance
Does the sky long for a shoulder to cry on?
Perhaps it cries alone, like me
Afraid to let others see its tears
Is it that no one cares, or cares too much
Or think the sky itself has no ears?

Just after the rain
I sympathize with the sky
I tell it I know its troubles
Of its heart's deepest thoughts, and why
It cringes at opening up
And letting the world see inside
Both the sunshine and the rainbows
I, too, know it's nothing to hide

~Jessica Claire

Baggy Sweatpants...

Sorry the last post ended so abruptly and without any real meaning, guys. It had almost everything to do with my absent minded self. You see, I was in the library at Wake Tech. We had gotten out of class fifteen minutes early and had fifteen more minutes after that till it was time for the test prep study session thing. So, I thought, this would be a good time to write a blog. But when I got on blogger, I really wanted to read what all my friends had written before I started a blog. So I went down my blog roll and did my reading and commenting and the like, and that took about twenty minutes. It was ten till eleven and I then sat around for about three minutes wondering what to do with all that extra time. 10:53, and I remembered I wanted to write a blog. DARN IT. So I only had seven minutes before I had to dash out the door back to the classroom, only to find out they had started without me. Um...it's all Chris's (Chris'?) fault. He kept insisting on reading over my shoulder. You know I can't concentrate on anything when people are reading over my shoulder!

So I don't know what to write about again. I don't know what happened. I mean, I like blogging. It used to be I'd have all these amazing ideas for things to blog about. But now I can't think of anything useful or insightful or interesting to say. My mind has drawn a blank, and I'm thinking about going to rehab to re-become an un-boring person. A long and treacherous journey I assure you. So sad for me.

I think there was talk a couple years ago of some friend of a friend going to some special rehab on a pirate ship for a most unfortunate sock obsession, though I cannot recall where that came from. It seems these days every celebrity wants to hang out at the local rehab resort. It must be nice there. Once I watched 28 Days (Sandra Bullock, Viggo Mortensen), and that was interesting enough. Almost inspired me to go to rehab. I always am affected by movies that way. It's kind of sad, actually. That is, me being affected by movies about going to rehab in a way that makes me want to go to rehab. If you're like me, don't watch that movie. Just go be in one, and it will satisfy you enough.

I meant to wake up at five thirty this morning, because I had a music exam at seven, but I really didn't have to be here or there or wherever I am or was till eight, because there were some makeup oral presentations by the slackers who didn't show up on the days they signed up to present...I am not a slacker. This is nice information. But you see, last night I was listening to the 25 pieces I had to kind of know by heart and associate with the titles and composers, and didn't get all that done by the time I meant to go to sleep. So I turned the music down really low and determined I would just absorb it in my sleep. Of course, when I have my clock/CD player on "CD" setting, the alarm will go off with the first track of the CD. But the music was turned down so low, that I didn't hear it till 6:15 and the thirty-eighth track, a particularly loud part of the Afro-American Symphony. So if I look like I just rolled out of bed, ate breakfast and came to class, that's pretty darn accurate. Fortunately my hair didn't get too messed up while I was sleeping (for a change). But I think I smell funny. Like day-old-dry-yucky chlorine. Blah.

In other news, Comedy Cafe is this weekend. 12621 Strickland Road in Raleigh, 4:00 matinee Saturday and Saturday evening, 7:30. It should be fun, it always is. :) Um...lesse...I will be taking a shower before going to the audition. What a nice first impression it would make if I didn't. There's something wrong with the skin under my eye. It's red and itchy, except after I swim and for a while after that. I think the chlorine dries it out.

Water polo was fantastic yesterday. I think it was the best game we've ever played. The teams were perfect, and I think it was close to a very high-score tie of some sort. I don't know, I don't keep track of that score stuff. I don't know how Coach does either, considering he sometimes has a problem forgetting and leaving his own family members at various locations...when I'm riding with him, I have to keep either him or his van in sight at all times to make sure I'm not left behind. Hey, we could write another series of books about being left behind by our swim Coach! They would be best sellers for sure.

Well, other than that, I don't seem to have anything extra amazing to talk about. Nothing controversial, nothing amusing. That's alright, though. I'll just leave you all with these concluding thoughts:

Gee, I'm drawing a blank. Okay, seriously. I've been thinking a lot about...*insert interesting blurb here.* Obviously I haven't been thinking at all. My head is full of air. Or things about madrigals and fugues and the like. Well, I have been thinking of ways to make money, because my computer has blown up, and I would really like to have a laptop. Also, if I'm going to have a job one of these days, and be going to school and stuff, a car would be very nice. But I'll be swimming this summer, and so I will only have the weekends off. Then there's Comedy Cafe. I'm just convinced that no one will hire me because I only have a couple of days I can work every week, and then select hours on those days. So, I've determined to get babysitting jobs, work for my dad, and maybe teach a creative writing course in early August or something.

Just brainstorming. I'm sure you're bored to death now. So I shall leave and proceed to go rock out in my car. I have a strange and very guilty obsession with that new song, "Low." Don't tell anybody, and try not to think about it yourself.

Goodbye!
~Jessica