The Top 50 "Stupidest" Personality Types

The other day I was thinking. Well, I mean, I do that a lot…I guess everyone does from time to time. Well, most everyone.

You see, as a matter-of-fact, I was thinking about why tabloids are always doing features like “Top 50 Hottest Celebrities”, as if I really cared. And then I thought, well, why don’t they devote a whole issue to the “Top 50 Stupidest People in the World” or something. That would really grab my attention.

I mentioned this idea to my dad and he suggested I should do it myself. After all, it would be good practice if I really did decide to become a journalist or something. But then it came to mind that, as much fun as I make of people, I really don’t want to outright offend anyone. So I’m going to go a slightly different path:

THE TOP 50 "STUPIDEST" PERSONALITY TYPES

*ahem*

50. PEOPLE THAT WORSHIP CELEBRITIES
Seriously, this bugs me quite badly. They’re just people that are somehow more artistically talented than you (more or less) and so somehow they are your roll model and forever and ever you shall worship the very ground they walk on, should you ever take a stroll down Hollywood Boulevard or Rodeo Drive. Ugh.

49. OVERLY VAIN PEOPLE
One night my dad, my brother and I were behind this car carrying two college-age girls. At every stop light they would pull down their visors and would thus beautify themselves. We would have to honk at them to tell them when the light was green each time. Once they started moving, they would not put the visors back up at first, and would weave all around the road, one time going as far as to run another car off. This happened at about three or four lights. By that time I decided that I would write a whole movie about them. But that’s another story.

48. UNIMAGINATIVE PEOPLE
I don’t know what it is with these people. They love pre-arranged activities and always ridicule people that would rather spend their time being creative. They’re conformists because they can’t think for themselves. Which brings me to number…

47. SQUARES
They’re obsessed with being popular and with what everyone else thinks. If they’re girls, all they talk about is makeup, Abercrombie, boys and “o-mi-gosh-did-you-see-Dee-with-Josh???” If they’re guys, I don’t know much but I do know a square guy when I see him and he’s immediately written off my list of guys I want to marry.

46. NEGATIVE PEOPLE
What ever happened to thinking on the bright side? My dad calls these people, “Battery Drainers”, because they drain you of all energy. If they aren’t negative about themselves, they’re negative about you. I used to be one of these people and I drove myself crazy. “Oh, I guess I’m not very pretty.” “You should stop shopping at Target and start shopping at Macy’s.”

45. PEOPLE WHO HATE ROLLER COASTERS
They’re fine people except at theme parks and at the State Fair. No fun at all. Can’t do anything with them except sit at the Pig races and eat too much food. Not that bad, if you think about it, but bad enough to make it onto this list. Seriously, what’s the point of going to these places if you’re not going to ride the biggest, tallest, scariest ride ever? And that girl should have had her feet fastened on better.

44. PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER THAN YOU AND KNOW IT
Just a little self-esteem “booster”, eh? No, we don’t need you rubbing it in that you’re skinny, 5’ 2” and blonde. We certainly don’t need you showing off how much faster you are at swimming than the rest of us. No need to brag about all the stuff you can buy thanks to your dad’s immense fortune or how many R-rated movies you’ve been allowed to watch. Well…well…I’m taller, I have more potential, I’m more prepared for the future and…I don’t have a dirty mind! Yeah!!

43. PEOPLE WHO SNEEZE INTO THE POOL
Sorry, Nathan and Noah, but it is kind of annoying and gross.

42. PEOPLE WHO NEVER HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM
I’m always embarrassed when I’m with these people. I don’t have an overactive bladder, but I’m not attempting to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for longest period of water retention either. There are certain times when I want to go to the bathroom (right before a movie, right before a long, difficult swimming set, in the middle of a boring, droning speech, right after eating, eventually on a 13-hour car trip) and I like it when someone else will say, “you need to go to the bathroom?” I don’t like to ask. Maybe it’s me.

41. UNHEALTHY PEOPLE THAT COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING FAT
DUH!!! There’s a reason. I know people that will complain about how fat they look in whatever it may be, and then not even an hour later I’ll see them getting 3 bags of Fritos, a package of Starburst and some Reeces Pieces out of a vending machine and eating them all right then. For dinner. I lecture them and they ignore me. Bothersome elephants anyway.

40. PEOPLE THAT LISTEN TO RAP “MUSIC”
It’s not music. Not singing, not playing an instrument. Just talking in a rhythm about anything offensive to some annoying beat created by a computer. I don’t like country much either, but at LEAST it takes talent. And just for anyone’s general knowledge, 50 Cent does not write deep lyrics.

39. PEOPLE THAT HAVE BAD MEMORIES
Now, I love these people to death on most occasions. They’re quite in the same league as the people that hate roller coasters. It’s annoying when they can’t even remember a heated debate you held with them yesterday. Or you run into them two days after a weeklong camp where you encountered them every day so of COURSE they should recognize you, right? I used to say hi to the latter people…now I just wander aimlessly about pretending that I don’t recognize them either. Like Phil Collins says, “I’ve seen your face before, my friend, but I don’t know if you know who I am…”

38. INDECISIVE PEOPLE
You know what I love? I love hanging around my improv friends. Why? Because I feel secure around them, because I know that whatever problems arise, they will be fixed in a matter of seconds. I rest assured that no matter what comes our way, it will be resolved, and quickly. But I can’t stand to be around people who are the opposite. If an issue comes up, they will take days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries, millennia…how ever long they know they can take to make a decision. In the mean time they will analyze EVERYTHING and run it all through their head, seemingly stopping on one possibility but then immediately switching to something that sounds better. Oh, how I love improvers.

37. PEOPLE WHO PLAY MUSIC WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO WATCH TV
I’d have to admit that I’m one of these people. I, myself, am quite guilty of coming into whichever room may house a TV with my guitar, mandolin, or recorder, or my brother’s bass or just simply sit down at the piano and begin to play whatever comes to mind at that moment. It’s fine when I do it—I’m quite capable of doing two things at once. However, when someone else does it, my tolerance wears thin. I’ve been told a million times that if I dish it out I should be able to take it. So I’m working on that. Unintentional but probable outcome—I’ll end up marrying someone who does the same thing.

36. PEOPLE WHO TURN ON THE TV WHEN YOU’RE PLAYING MUSIC
Not guilty!!! However, certain siblings of mine are quite the opposite.

35. PESSIMISTS
I know I already covered negative people, but this just goes to show you I can’t stand anyone of the sort. If I decide I want to do something, don’t tell me I can’t, just simply because it seems humanly impossible to you. Ugh-ness-icity.

34. WANNABES
The reason I don’t really like American Idol is because every time I watch it, I begin to have a bad attitude about how stupid all the wannabes are. I just can’t stand people who do something that they’re not good at in front of everyone, and then get mad when someone tells them they stink.

33. TANNERS
What’s the point of a pool membership if you simply lay out all day and only get into the pool to cool off for two seconds? Dark skin? Ugh. Don’t get me started on this one. Tanning is so incredibly shallow to me (especially when done without doing anything useful like reading Charles Dickens or something)…I could go on for days about how stupid it is.


Well, it seems as if I’ve run out for now. *sigh* If anyone else has any suggestions, feel free to tell me. I’ve got to go now, though. Bye!

~Jessica