Thursday, January 29, 2009

What do I Believe?

My friend Chris posted this homework assignment from his World Religions class on his blog, and suggested that I answer the questions myself on my own blog.  So, I shall.  First, the questions:

1. What is reality? How can you prove that something is real? What is truth? How is a religious truth different from a scientific truth?
2. Do you believe there are "beings" or a "higher being" "greater" than humans? Briefly explain.
3. Where do you think the world comes from? Where do you believe humans come from?
4. Are humans inherently good or bad and why?
5. What do you think is eventually going to happen to the world?
6. What do you think happens to people after they die?
7. How should people behave and why? What should guide people's sense of how they "ought" to behave?
8. Describe your attitude towards those who believe differently than you do. If you consider yourself to belong to a particular religion, describe how that religion responds to individuals of other faiths. Do you have any friends or acquaintances of a different faith?

Now apparently for this assignment one could not cite any scripture as a basis for anything one believes.  Now that will be hard considering the Bible is what my faith basically revolves around.  Nonetheless I'll try.  

1.  I like to think of reality in the terms of the Matrix.  No, really, I do a lot of the times.  This is not all "real", in a sense.  This is temporary.  We are only on this earth a short time, and this earth is only shadow-pictures of what is to come in eternity.  The only real things are our souls as people, because that is all that really transfers over.  But I don't think you can prove something is real.  Anything can be seen as evidence for or against something being real.  What right have we to say that anything is or isn't real?  Everyone is their own person and has an opinion.  In the Matrix everything seems real, but it's just a computer.  How do you know we all aren't just living in a computer?  How do I know we are?  It's the same kind of thing if you say, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."  I mean, it is, but then it isn't, because how do you, as one "beholder", know that beauty is actually in the eye of the beholder?  You don't.  Essentially we have no right to assume that anything is real or isn't.  My view is just an opinion and we may never know.  As for truth, I remember there being some debate/argument/discussion about what absolute truth was on here probably back in May or something.  I have finally come to the conclusion that there IS absolute truth, but only God knows it.  We are imperfect humans who have opinions about right and wrong.  Like with reality, we have no right to assume we know absolute truth.  We may never know, or I may end up being right and we all die and go to heaven and are informed of absolute truth when we get there.  Until then the best we can do is make educated guesses.  Religious "truths", then, are what is considered "right" and "wrong" by a particular religion.  Catholics (I think) believe that they have to go to mass every Sunday or it is a sin (if you are a Catholic, please do not be offended and do correct me if I am wrong).  I think that most Christians will agree that if you don't go to Church every week then you will be fine.  Going or not going to church is not a measure of your faith and it's not the only way to get closer to God (as a matter of fact sometimes it doesn't bring you closer at all....but then I can get into all this Martin Luther stuff which can be saved for another rant).  I don't know much about what other major religions such as Buddhism or Islam think are right and wrong, but I am sure the "truths" of Buddhists and Muslims differ pretty significantly from that of Christianity, Judaism or Catholicism, because they have different books of life guidelines.  Scientific truth is what can be proved by science to be true.  Science has proven many things (macro evolution is not one of them), and when I see the proof, I believe it.  And proof is the key word there.  I need absolute proof.  Now, you may wonder why I don't need absolute proof for Christianity.  That is because there is no absolute proof to believe in anything.  Even Atheism doesn't have absolute proof (*gasp!*).  How can you prove there is not a God?  How can you prove that you alone can govern your life?  How can you fully trust in Science if Scientists don't know everything but consider many theories and hypotheses absolute truth?  You can't.  Atheists are as confident in their belief in non-belief as Christians are in their belief in God.  But we cannot be sure that one is right because no human knows.

Wow, this is going to be long.  Brace yourselves......or just get really comfy.

2.  If any of you have read Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, you will now know what I would like to say on this question.  Where do we get our universal ideas of morality and right and wrong?  Those kinds of things don't just appear out of thin air.  The Pagans in, say, the time Beowulf was told, had no god that they feared and worshipped and no Bible that they read every day.  Yet they valued valor, honor, honesty, bravery, and loyalty, and detested wimpy-ness, betrayal, dishonor, stealing, lying, murder, et cetera.  Atheists usually are really are good people (a lot of the time better than many Christians).  But where did we get these values and standards that we always hold each other to but a lot of the time forget to hold ourselves to?  Perhaps from some perfect entity who is above us all.  Aside from that little thought, yes.  I believe there is a perfect God who is above us all and made us all in his image.  But that is my opinion.

3.  The world was created by God and so were humans.  There is no way we could have just happened because there was a big explosion in the sky, and it is impossible for us to have evolved from apes.  Especially since apes are still do you explain that?  Oh, and I DON'T believe the world has been around for a billion years.  What proof is there?  Of course, I believe all of this mainly because I believe what the Bible tells me.  But I also believe that science disproves macro evolution.  Nobody wants to educate themselves and accept it, though.  It's like some guy's avatar on a forum I was on said:  "The Frog-prince: a fairytale for children.  Evolution: a fairytale for grown-ups."  

4.  Humans are born selfish and self-centered.  And we probably wouldn't have half that idea of morality talked about in question 2 unless we were selfish to see how everyone else's actions affected our personal well-being.  And then we grow up and see that life is much more harmonious if we do to others what we would have them do to us, and to love our neighbor as ourselves.  Yes, that is in the Bible, but it is the best way of phrasing what every person really believes anyways.  You don't have to think about it when you see an old lady walking up to Wal-mart in front of you and you go and open the door for her.  You don't think, "when I am old and frail, I would like some young man or woman to open the doors at Wal-mart for me."  You just do it (hopefully not going home saying, "GOSH, I can't believe I opened that door for that stupid old lady today...what a waste of my time and energy!").  Still, humans are selfish and don't like to go out of their way.  A lot of the times they do have to think to be nice to people.  I know I do.  Sure, being nice to my friends isn't hard, but I have to be conscious of my actions at home.  I can blast my brothers a thousand times a day and not think twice about it.  Sorry guys....... :(

5.  How can I answer the question without the Bible?  Well, I believe this world will end and we will have a new one that is better and will last forever, and we all live together in peace for eternity.  There ya go.

6.  They go to heaven.  That sounds all goody-goody Christian-like, but as I am what you would call a "Christian", that is what I believe.  So get over it.  You are going to heaven and there is nothing you can do about it.  ;)

7.  Well, I kind of answered this question in 4 and 2.  But regardless of what any book says, I think that people should behave in a way that we can live as harmoniously as possible.  Considering that is not going to happen, I shall simply endeavor to improve upon myself and not worry about what other people do.  But if I were to pick something to guide people to good behavior, I would probably just reference the King George and the Ducky Veggie Tales video where Jimmy and Jerry are trying to pretend they are Bob and Larry hosting.  They play the film, "The English Man Who Went up a Hill and Came Down with All the Bananas."  After the film they go to the computer Qwerty to ask him if he has a verse for them.  Qwerty is turned off but they think he is broken, so one of them goes and gets a piece of cardboard and scrawls on it with a sharpie, "Don't be selfish!"  Jimmy remarks, "Wow, that is a good one."  I agree........but who keeps a computer on their kitchen counter anyways?       

8.  I don't really mind it when people behave or think differently from me.  Sometimes it is interesting and weird, because I have not ever thought or behaved that way, obviously.  Most of the time it isn't bad, so I don't let it bother me.  But sometimes it bothers me when people are doing wrong things because I know they are bringing harm upon themselves or others.  But just because someone is different doesn't mean I am going to criticize them (because it happens to me and I don't like it).  And even if I do feel like I need to talk to them about something, I would do it in love and not in a negative, critical kind of way.  Also the whole point of being a Christian is spreading the good news that Jesus loves us all so much that he went to hell for us and saved us from it so that when we die we all go to heaven and live with our father forever.  I can't imagine why somebody would reject such a wonderful thing.  But I'm a Libertarian.  You can believe what you want to, and I can believe what I want to.  I have some casual Catholic and Jewish friends, and a few agnostic/atheist friends, but most of my friends are some form of Christian or another.  Personally I think the other religions are kind of empty compared to Christianity.  Either you believe in nothing, or you believe in all these dos and don'ts and shoulds and shouldn'ts.  Christianity is just filled with love and peace and all that other good hippie stuff.  

So that is what I think, and I barely cited the Bible at all!  *is proud of herself*


Tuesday, January 27, 2009


Monday, January 26, 2009

A little word from my sponsor.

Well, I told a couple of people I would blog about all the books I bought yesterday, but that will just have to wait as I read something in my Bible this morning which confirmed what I have been trying to remember the Bible saying before.  Without trying to be overly argumentative, I have a few nice little verses for all of you out of Deuteronomy 17 (the italics are, of course, mine):

14 When you enter the land the LORD your God is giving you and have taken possession of it and settled in it, and you say, "Let us set a king over us like all the nations around us," 15 be sure to appoint over you the king the LORD your God chooses. He must be from among your own brothers. Do not place a foreigner over you, one who is not a brother Israelite16 The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the LORD has told you, "You are not to go back that way again." 17 He must not take many wives, or his heart will be led astray. He must not accumulate large amounts of silver and gold.

 18 When he takes the throne of his kingdom, he is to write for himself on a scroll a copy of this law [well, that has been abandoned], taken from that of the priests, who are Levites. 19 It is to be with him, and he is to read it all the days of his life so that he may learn to revere the LORD his God and follow carefully all the words of this law and these decrees 20 and not consider himself better than his brothers and turn from the law to the right or to the left. Then he and his descendants will reign a long time over his kingdom in Israel.

Pull from it what you will, but IMHO, nobody anywhere has followed this law completely for a long time.  I'm not going to say any more at this time as I don't feel like I should monologue about it.  But of course it's open to discussion.  :)


Friday, January 23, 2009

Break out the Buckshot...

I have been looking back over the comments for the last two entries and I have realized something....I am probably sounding proud or stuck-up.  So I would like to apologize if any of you took it that way.  I don't mean to sound that way at all.  I don't want to completely blame it on the fact that I am so entirely exhausted of other people telling me what to do with my life whenever I meekly state what I am "thinking about doing" or what I "guess I believe."  But it does get annoying and right now I assume that I can attribute my recent attitudes to these sorts of situations.  Still, that is no excuse.  

Maybe I have subconsciously set my mind to being more confident and assertive.  I don't know...*hides under a box*...I don't want to sound like, "This is what I am doing so get over it, punk."  That isn't what I mean at all.  I mean, "This is what I am doing, since this is what I am doing and all" -- if you get what I mean by that.  I am not stating that I am "homeschooling college" because I am just so much better than all of you.  I am calling it that because I am of college age and I am learning in a way that is in essence homeschooling.  That is just what I am doing.  I don't expect you to like it.  You can have a problem with it.  You can tell me that you have a problem with it, and I will take a deep breath, count to ten, and tell you that it is what I am doing, and it's just as good as whatever you are doing, and then we can all hold hands and play Ring Around the Rosie.  

By now I am sure you are all well aware of my political stance (which is that I would rather live by myself in the Bermuda Triangle, really...).  I don't want to push it over on anyone, but if others are overlooking the facts and going along with whatever all the other Americans are saying, then I would like to wave my hand in front of their face and show some people what America is really like.  It helps to know; to be aware and informed.  But that didn't really help, as it never does in debates.  So oh-well about that.

I really don't like being angry.  It stresses me out.  Last night I went to a basketball game between our Hawks and NRCA.  While exciting, I cannot even begin to explain how mad I got at the refs and at all their negative-cheering fans/students/alumni.  I won't go into detail about how stupid it all was.  But somehow I had fun rooting and doing positive cheering (even though at one point a couple of NRCA girls scoffed and told us to "shut up, guys" [in heavy valley girl accents]).  In between the JV and Varsity games we went to Sarah and Lizzie's house, where we all ate salads, soup, and sandwiches and sat around talking about how frustrating everything was.  Good times.  

This is SUCH a cliche thing to say, but I really wish there could be world peace FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!  Why can't we all just get along?  What about friendly competition?  Where is the love?  I grow up thinking that everyone gets along, and then I get a reality wake-up call that everyone is NOT nice, including me.  I just will pray that every day I can take a shovel and dig out a little bit of all the anger I harbor in my heart.  Maybe one day I will clear it all out.  It is just a burden that is making me into a mean, selfish little lady.  Maybe there was a reason why Ms. Denman always cast me as evil witches and things like that.....

I guess selfishness makes us human.  It's sad....maybe I don't want to be human.  Well, Paul tells the Corinthians to aim for perfection.  I will do my best.  So long!


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hmph, Finally!

Well, it is about time, that is all I have to say! And all that grumbling I did last night. "Oh, good grief,'s not going to snow! They say it will and it never does." Either that or it snows half an inch and everything gets cancelled. One flake on the ground and the entire triangle goes into a panic about stocking up on food and snow shovels. There is an entire storage building somewhere full of salt to put on the roads so that nobody slips on the one flake. Northerners must think we are so wimpy. I think we are wimpy. I mean, yes snow and ice are dangerous and yes we down here in the south don't consider it a worthy enough investment to buy materials suitable for the snow since we only get a significant amount every five years or so. But still.

Besides all that, snow is beautiful. I woke up this morning, went into the kitchen, happened to glance out the window, and I saw white. "Well, then, I was wrong...." I said, scoffing and humphing more than what was surely my fair share. I still haven't been out in it. Actually I am about to go and sled some, I think. I've just been inside being cozy, reading, researching, talking with parents, etc. We watched the inauguration. Now THAT is something lots of fun to do while wearing sweats, drinking hot chocolate, and looking outside at the birds and flurries. I was worried that the music at the beginning...the Appalachian Spring arrangement by John Williams thing.... would be too much to my liking and then I would have to deny myself the privilege of downloading it since I have boycotted the whole ceremony. Thank goodness it wasn't that impressive. Nice, easy-listening-in-the-elevator-ish, but hardly outstanding.

Alrighty, I will take a break now to go sledding. I'll write more after a word from these asterisks:


I have returned.

We walked down to the pond, stopping by Catherine's house on the way. The snow is good enough for making a nice snow ball now. We sledded a bit at the pond, and I tried to build a snow fort, but I didn't make much progress because NOBODY was helping me. After being at the pond we decided to walk down the street to some body's yard that has a big hill on it. We always went down the hill when we were younger (in the days where it actually snowed like this once or twice a year, every year). This year we decided that since we were all teenagers now, we would be like the teenagers back then who would make lots of cool bumps and turns. We manufactured one bump which, to our great surprise, worked well! After succeeding, we walked down to the new part of that neighborhood and tried to sled on the hill in the yard of the model home. Nobody was at the model home, but the outside speakers were playing classical music. I never thought I would get to sled while listening to classical music. But I still haven't. The snow was too deep. But now I have something great to aspire to--listening to classical music as I sled.

We finally hiked back home, to find out that a friend of ours had been calling and wanted her dad to bring she and her brothers over to our house so we could all play in the snow together. Her dad has not made a decision about that yet, so we are all sitting around wondering whether to clean up the house a bit or not.

I have been thinking a lot, and then I thought about what I have been thinking. It seems as though I can never dwell on the present. It's either thinking about what is going to happen in the future or thinking about things that happened in the past. It isn't as if I am discontent with the present. I don't think I am. I hope I'm not. And I concentrate enough to get things done. But is my mind really somewhere else all the time?

I don't know. There are plenty of things that I do where I don't think about-or wish I was actually-doing something else. That is usually just something like playing piano or cooking. Cleaning the bathrooms makes me wish I was doing something else, and writing stories makes me feel like I should be doing something else. If I am reading for school a lot of the time my mind will start to wander and I will either think of how nice it would be to be young and free again, or what my future life will be like...where I will live when I'm married and how we'll do things...UGH. Now is not the time to think about what can't be, nor is it the time to think about things I will have plenty of time to think about when the time comes.

Anyways, I need to get on with stuff. There probably won't be water polo tomorrow, and I don't even know if a significant amount will melt before Thursday so I can go to the Hawks-NRCA game. It might be the only basketball game of the season I get to go to. GOSH I am so tired. I'll talk to you all later!


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Be, really.

In honor of our nation's future president....

[Scar:] I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride

It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares

So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer

[Shenzi:] And where do we feature?

[Scar:] Just listen to teacher
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues!
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!

[Hyena:?] Be prepared for what?
[Scar:] For the death of the king!
[Hyena:?] Why? Is he sick?
[Scar:] No, you fool, we're going to kill him... and Simba too!
[Hyena:?] Great idea! Who needs a king?
[Hyenas:] No king, No king, nah nah nah nah nah nah!
[Scar:] Idiots! There will BE a king!
[Hyena:?] But you just said...
[Scar:] *I* will be king!
Stick with me, and you'll never be hungry again!
[Hyenas:] YEA!!!!!! Long live the king!

It's great that we'll soon be connected
With a king who'll be all-time adored

[Scar:] Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me

So prepare for the coup of the century
Be prepared for the murkiest scam
Meticulous planning
(We'll have food!)
Tenacity spanning
(Lots of food)
Decades of denial
(We repeat)
Is simply why I'll
(Endless meat)
Be king undisputed
respected, saluted
And seen for the wonder I am

Yes my teeth and ambitions are bared
Be prepared!

[Hyenas:] Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared
Be prepared!

Saturday, January 17, 2009


Music and Lyrics by Jessica

Cool breeze dries a painted picture
My hair is tossed in the wind
Somehow I saw this far
Though I didn’t know who you are

I want to stay right here forever
Knowing I’m right—you love me, too
What have I been thinking all this time?
It’s not a joke that I could call you mine

Stay right here a little while
I’m so entranced by your smile
Why did I deny my love for you?
Strange how we were both so fooled

Sun shines, but the trees protect me
Lush green where I saw you first
The moment is here, but is it right?
How could I have let you see the light?

So distracted, but now we see
I hope I look at you the same way you look at me
Not another trace of fear
My heart’s so happy now you’re here

A division of two sides of me
One for you…maybe
But I know you see me here
Please don’t hesitate to come so near

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.....(aka lazy blogging)

1. What is your occupation right now?
Bookkeeper and my mother's helper

2. What color are your socks right now?
Dark blue

3. What are you listening to right now?
"Beauty and the Mess" by Nickel Creek

4. What was the last thing that you ate?

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Successfully?  Um..............working on it.  

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes.  Why are there always stupid questions like this?

8. How old are you today?


9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Football I guess, unless you want to count figure skating and gymnastics as actual sports.

10. What is your favorite drink?
Iced caramel latte from Starbucks.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
With hydrogen peroxide once, and with henna a few times.  The latter usually just gets my hair back to the color it was before I started swimming.

12. Favorite food?
Sushi.  No, I am not just trying to sound sophisticated.

13. What is the last movie you watched?
A Beautiful Mind.

14. Favorite day of the year?
Depends on the year!

15. How do you vent anger?
Listen to very loud music or make really loud music.  Swimming helps too, but that is not always accesible.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Either stuffed animals or my cooker set.  Sometimes both at the same time when I would serve the stuffed animals as food.

17. What is your favorite season?
Summer because of swimming, but really spring because it is so...delighful...

18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueberries, but why aren't strawberries an option?

19. Living arrangements?
With my family in a little ranch house on about a half acre.  It's not bad.  Sometimes I wish we had a big mansion and/or had a lot more land.  But doesn't everyone?

20. When was the last time you cried?
I don't know, probably a couple weeks ago?  Last year?

21. What is on the floor of your closet?
It has a floor????????

22. What did you do last night?
Went to Radical Wednesday

23. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger?
Plain with everything else except cheese.  

24. Favorite dog breed?

25. Favorite day of the week?
Monday, because it allows me to psychologically get a fresh start on everything!

26. How many countries have you lived in?
In reality, only the USA.  But in my head I have lived in England and Australia as well.

27. Diamonds or pearls?

28. What is your favorite flower?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Thinking Rosemary Thoughts...

You know what?  It has been a terribly long time since I have sat down to write something with no point intended.  I am quite sure that while my latest bloggings may be interesting, I guess they do not contain the usual dash of wit, charm, and randomness that I used to include in whatever I wrote before I became boring.  It has something to do with growing up, I think.  In that case, I shall resist.

The truth is, like I keep saying, my head has been filled with so many deep musings of late that for some strange reason I cannot seem to think like a person anymore, but more like some old philosopher who lives in a cave up on a hill and sits there stroking his beard, puffing his pipe, and fishing for blind fish in the pond in the cave.....whatever.  So away with that image!  

Right at this moment I should be reading about 12,000 different books and then immersing myself in pleasant dreams of compost and cultivation.  I find that collecting compost and cutting hair are quite similar in that they are both very addictive.  The main reason my hair never seems to grow out all the way is that I get very scissor-happy.  I go to cut my bangs, and then I have to blend them, and then maybe I want it a little more blended, and then maybe I want to layer this here and there, and then it isn't even, so I keep cutting till it is all even and then I finally stop, only to realize what I have done, and all my hair is in little circles on the floor.  Cue depressing music.  That is why I am never going to cut my own hair again and my only pair of scissors are at Lizzie and Sarah's house.  Okay, I left them there during a sewing project and never brought them back.  Whatever.  I am sure they are being put to good use.

But about the compost thing.  My plan is to actually burn all the dead shrubs, leaves, branches, etc., in our backyard garden (along with the Christmas tree whenever we get around to taking it down), then do a compost-plow-cultivate-whatever kind of thing to it.  So today I have started collecting compost material in a big bucket, and it is very exciting to cut up vegetables and dump all the scraps in my bucket!  I have to keep a lid on the bucket or else the dogs will eat out of it, which is the same reason I can't put it in the garden yet, besides all the mess being in there which was supposed to be for fires in the fire pit before it got to cold to have them.  Too cold for a fire?  What......?  Whatever.  You know, I toss that word around, and it may sound like I am just this weird, apathetic person.  Well, I don't know if I am totally apathetic, but I don't care too much about everything.  I am a good balance.  I hope.  I just happen to express apathy often.  I guess.  Whatever.

So onto another little blurb.  Since I have reconfigured my life's plan again, and this time it makes more earthly sense and doesn't require me unrealistically reaching towards the stars...well, I added onto it.  Things like gardening.  I really like gardening...okay, I have very little experience doing it, but I have always wanted to.  Mostly all I have done is keep a little herb garden in the front yard, but that fell out once I got busy (about two and a half years ago), and so it kind of exploded.  Instead of a nice little rosemary plant we now have a ginormous rosemary bush that probably has roots to China.  It is hideous and it just gets bigger and bigger.  Today, I finally decided to put it to good use.  I did some research and this morning set to work trimming...okay, the monster for about fifteen minutes.  Now I wish I had taken a picture of the before and after, but I'm not one of those bloggers who takes pictures of everything she does just out of habit so she can post them.  If I had a camera I might have thought about it, but probably not.  Anyways, after not making much of a dent at all, I ended with three basket-fulls of rosemary (two big baskets and one little basket (the kinds you go picking wildflowers with).  I washed some, gathered them into eight bunches of eight, tied those bunches together, tied the bunches onto some hangers, and hung them out in the storage room.  They will have to dry for a month or four weeks, whichever comes first, and then I can have my own dried rosemary!  I don't think I will use it in cooking but I may experiment with some herbal tea.  

I laid out some more of the rosemary in a long basket and I am leaving those to dry overnight.  Tomorrow I am going to make rosemary oil.  I can't remember what you can do with it, but I am going to make it anyways, just to see if I can.  :D

One final musing before I close out....yeah, I don't want to abandon music and writing.  I think that if I am diligent to my studies and projects on weekdays then I can have my weekends free for my pleasures.  Until I get a job.....*cries* I wish I could just stay a kid forever sometimes.  Like Lizzie said, there just seems to not be enough time in the day for everything I want to do.  And that fact often makes me fall into a deep depression thinking, "Oh, everything is so overwhelming...I will never get anything done!"  and then I get nothing done because I keep spending all my time thinking the horrible thought about not getting anything done.  It is important that I get done the things I must, but sometimes if I don't get to do the pleasurable activities, then I go into withdrawal.   Today I was most efficient with my piano.  I sat down for seven minutes in-between fixing dinner and waiting for everyone to come and eat dinner, I attempted some TSO song, started fiddling around with the melody line, did some chord-thing, wrote a little of that, wrote some bass line for some part of whatever it was, recorded it on my little recorder-thing so I wouldn't forget, and then went to go eat dinner.  Usually I have to bang around for thirty minutes or more before coming up with anything decent.

So that is my head for the moment.  Thanks for tuning in and I'll talk to you all later!


Sunday, January 11, 2009


I pirated this from Allison and here's what I got from shuffling the songs and answering the questions with the titles:

"He's a Pirate."  (Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack)

"Siberian Sleigh Ride."  (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)

"Unchained."  (Van Halen)

"Gone."  (TobyMac)

"The Old Church."  (John Doan)

"Snow Hey-Oh."  (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

"Mirrors and Smoke."  (Jars of Clay)

"Low."  Flo-ri-da ft. T-Pain.  (good grief...this is false! :P) 

"Right Now."  (Van Halen)

"Epiphany."  (Sweeny Todd soundtrack)

"O Fortuna."  

"Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"  (Lion King soundtrack) 

"High Flying, Adored."  (Evita soundtrack)

"It's My Life."  Bon Jovi

"Adding to the Noise."  (Switchfoot)

"Jefferson Aeroplane."  (Relient K) 

"The Moment."  (Trans-Siberian Orchestra)

"Made to Love."  (TobyMac)

"Roundabout."  (Yes)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


These are some thoughts of mine that also happen to answer Rebecca's question in my "Reflections on 2008" entry....

I do not mean to seem like I am thinking and planning way ahead of myself, but at this moment as well as for some time I have felt as if there is a disticnt possibility that I will be married in what is now less than three years.  As I mentioned in the previous entry which was written too long ago (I am sorry about my absence as I have been going to too many sleepovers and then trying to get my life back on track, which, I have discovered, is a pretty hard thing to do), three years really is not a long time.  My life seems to go by in episodes of three years.  These next three, I feel as if God is telling me that they are specifically for marriage preperation.  

Unless my life's course drastically changes, in less than three years I shall become Mrs. Somebody.  In this alloted time, therefore, I need to prepare to take on that role.  There are, obviously, several "requirements" of being my Someone's wife.  No, I have not been sent a letter from any Somebodies detailing what these things must be in a "I won't marry you if you are not like this" kind of way.  No, there are just several things that God has put on my heart as being what I must have in place before the wedding day.  This is not to say that I am a terrible person now and I must do a complete 180 and become somebody else.  No, these are things which I desire to add on to my present self and to enhance what is already there.  These past 18 years have not been for nothing, but that certainly does not mean that I am done growing and developing.  I won't ever be, but I have to take it one step at a time.  

These things must be completed, but as we can all see I have a limited amount of time which must not be wasted.  I shall now detail the things I consider (or, rather, God considers) the "prerequisites" of a holy union with my Someone, the things which I must do to "study deserving," as Edward says in King Lear:

A Caring, Compasionate, Selfless Heart:  I shall waste no more time on anger or selfish deeds.  A woman of valor is not of those.  She is a servant, and I will now forever be.   

A Knowledge of Health and Healing:  I need to know how to properly care for myself, my husband, and our children.  If access to a doctor is limited or impossible, I must be the caretaker and healer.  Also, if we live in a rural area, possibly an area which harbors other refugees, I need to know how to heal and help them as well.

Pregnancy and Childbirth:  For the same reasons as above...for my own good and possibly the good of those around me.  One does not have to go through a 3-year Midwifery degree program to know what one is doing when a baby is coming out.  Still, I will strive to know as much as possible.

Faith:  Seeking God is important, no doubt, but it goes deeper than that.  I need to know everything he commands; everything he desires of me.  That means staying in his word daily and keeping myself from getting too caught up in life that I cannot take the time to listen to him.  And if the end times are coming, I need to not be blind about anything concerning them so that I will not be afraid.  Fear comes from a lack of knowledge.  

Occupation:  I need to make as much money as I can in this time so that I can buy waht I need for survival and to assist my husband in his endeavors to do the same.  It is of utmost importance that we create a safe life for ourselves and our future children as soon as we can, so money will be needed to go towards that the form of a car, of books, perhaps seeds to grow our own food, building materials, livestock....whatever the Lord desires we do.  I guess it may sound a little "out there" to be assuming rural farming like this, but it is a possibility.  If it turns out that I do not live this lifestyle I already have what I need to live in a life like the one I have grown up in, that is all.  Anyways, I shall save for the future, whatever the future may be and however I might save for it.  It is probably better to put paper money back into the economy and get out of it real things of value anyways.  

So what about music and writing?  I feel as if those need to be put on the back burner now.  But saying that makes my heart and writing are the two things I have had the most passion for for my entire life, and now I am putting them off?  I guess it is because I am wondering if they are a waste of time.  Is creating a waste of time?  Maybe I am looking at it from the perspective that, if the economy breaks down, people are not going to have the money to invest in entertainment, they are going to need to invest everything in merely surviving.  So, it would be a waste of time to assume that I could write music and sell it or write a novel and sell it.  And why spend my time attempting to produce something that goes into what is already a market of uncertainty?  I could end up more broke than I am now.  

Am I completely giving up learning new instruments (after all, I did get a violin for Christmas...though somehow it is not as easy as I wanted it to be), composing, fiction reading, or writing stories?  No!  My mind just doesn't work like that.  It would just blow up eventually from deprivation of creativity.  I guess, looking back on this entry, this is already starting  to sound like you are reading Thesselonians or something practical like that, rather than witty Charles Dickens or something.  Sadness abounds.  :(  But I guess when all you have been reading is practical literature, all that comes out is practical.  *sigh*  

I guess it will not hurt to allow time for diversion.  After all....*lightbulb* my Someone is not going to want to marry a boring person, now is he?!?!  No, no, no, not at all.  Quite to the contrary, dear Watson.  ;)  Nevertheless, I shall proceed to abort this entry as my breakfast as thus far remained uneated and I am quite famished.


Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!

Great. I'm getting older. The years are going by faster and faster. I could probably stand it now if I had to wait three years to do anything...of course, three years doesn't seem like a long time compared to how long some people have to wait...whoever those people are. I'm just saying that so that I don't sound like a wimp at being patient.

Oh, never mind... :P

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