Stupid Idiots!

Okay, it really isn't that bad. I guess. It really is just me, but I happen to not like to feel my self-esteem falling a little bit more each day of my life. Okay, you know those books, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to ______" and "_______ for Dummies"? Sometimes they are okay, if I actually have enough patience to get through them. I have read a couple of Idiot's Guide books on creative writing and actually found them rather helpful, much more so than Dummies books. Now, I have been trying to read "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Music Theory." As I was telling somebody, I read it and I feel like more than a complete idiot. So THANKS for the insult, Idiot's-Guide-book-making-people!!!! I mean, it's not their fault, obviously. It's all me. And, of course, "complete idiot" is only meant as a joke. So the reader can laugh at his or herself and say, "well, I am not a complete idiot on this subject, but I bet this has all the information I need right now!"

And maybe that is the catch. When it comes to music theory, I am a complete idiot. I know nothing. I don't know how I got this way, all I know is that as hard as I try to understand it, each time thinking, "okay, this is starting to make sense, I really have it this time..." and then WHAM! I don't get it all over again. Literature theory makes sense. I don't know why or how it does, but reading up on strategies and techniques for storytelling and writing style and then seeing how I can apply them to whatever I am writing while still maintaining a very high degree of creativity and originality.

Music theory (said mockingly and with detest), however, is NOT that way at all. Perhaps one thing is that I can't seem to get past time signature, but that seems minor compared to other things. Like melody construction. There are rules?!?!?! And you actually have to think about them when you compose?!?!??!?!??!?!? Things like (the following said mockingly and with detest also), "You have to pick a scale or mode for your melody to be in and stay in that scale or mode for the whole song," and "Your melody should have a tonal center it focuses around" and "You should end your melody on either the same note it began on, or the third or fifth of that note, but always make sure it sounds conclusive." Among other things that I can't remember, because I didn't want to, because I didn't want to think about them so much that they make me think too much about a song I am composing, therefore ruining any creativity I have. And I won't get to finish reading it now, because some other complete idiot put it on hold from the library and my friend's mom won't let me borrow his copy. *huffs loudly*

I just wonder.....do I have to think about all that? I mean, if it sounds good and flows well, it's fine, right? That is what I have always thought. I know hardly anything about scales or modes, and what I do know I can't remember anyways. And it's not like I am going to sit down at the piano and decide to write a song in a particular mode. It just comes out and there is nothing I can do about it, unless it is too boring, so then I have to jazz it up again. And what is it with music reading? (This is a rant, in case you can't tell.) It is so entirely complicated and I don't know how six-year-olds learn it! I guess it's like learning another language, except in that language they speak all in math language. Since when did anything creative involve math? (I am sure that question is going to be answered by all you smart comment-people who will say things like architecture and interior decorating, and, of course, music.) But, but, but.......how in the world am I going to compose something and do all that math to figure out whether a particular note is a 16th note or not? It would take all day. I would need a voice recorder, a metronome, a long piece of paper and maybe a math professor with me. And that would be for only one note. So for a six-minute composition, it would take me a whole year to write it down, give or take a couple of months (yes, it's an estimation). And then I have to marvel at all these people who can read music and play at the same time. W-O-W, you guys knock my socks off. If that isn't multi-tasking, then I don't know what is. I thought that all you had to do was feel the beat in your head, remember how it goes and let your fingers do the rest. No. You have to remember what key it is in, remember what time it is in, look at two different staffs, divide and multiply notes, usually very quickly, play with your left hand and your right hand parts that are usually very different, remember which note corresponds to each key, be able to actually tell which line the notes are on (maybe my eyesight is just bad, but all those lines gets kind of blurred together, like all the zeros you have to use in Chemistry), keep a beat, stay awake, know what general terms like crescendo and forte mean relative to the song you are playing, sometimes you have to sing, so you have to watch three staffs and move your mouth and hit the right notes, AND don't forget to turn the page!!! And if you know half the song, you can't get too caught up in playing the part that you accidentally memorized and then forgetting where you were on the page and having to go searching for it.

GOOD GRIEF!!! That is enough to give any sane and very healthy person a heart attack. *has one* *goes to the hospital* *gets lots of drugs* *feels better magically* *comes back* *continues blogging*

Now I am just not sure about taking piano lessons. I have really wanted to ever since I was little, and now here is my chance. I have gone back and forth and back and forth and back and forth......and I am just very apprehensive about taking them. There are certain things I want to learn. It's not like I don't think that I should learn music reading (and I am saying that because, again, all you smart comment-people are going to say "you really should learn music reading because you should."), that is just something I feel that I can try and focus on at home while what I really want to learn is how to play the piano better. What I mean is that, if I sign up for lessons, they are going to start me on music reading. They always do. It's like if you sign up with a doctor and go in for your checkup, it is a given they are probably going to find something wrong with you and put you on two or three medications (my I-hate-doctors rant is another post, thank you very much). I will not learn anything BUT music reading, because I will have to start with the most basic basics, like Mary Had a Little Lamb or Chopsticks, and I will advance in six years to anything it takes any skill to play. But I just want the piano skills, to know different playing styles so I can play by ear better and compose more interesting music.

If anyone who lives around me knows of any teachers that would focus more on style and VERY EXTERMELY little on music reading, I beseech you to inform me of said wonderful person at once!! In the mean time, I will piddle along in my little uneducated ways....Marck actually bought me a little book-and-CD Rom kit titled, "How to Read Music in 3 Easy Lessons." It doesn't have me quite convinced, but neither have I looked at it much since I got it. Sorry, Marck, I fully intend to, I just haven't. Since my "beloved" music theory book is now back at the library, I shall concentrate on my little kit.

Thus ends the flow of the Fountain of Frustration.

~Jessica

P. S. And don't criticize me about how my background looks like usic composition scratch paper. I like it for what it stands for, being a musician and all.