So, I wonder what is up with me now. I've noticed that this past week or so, I have been in a mood. Or, is it a mood? It is, in all probability, normality: I am set on cruise. Can't stop to pick up extra passengers right now, or to get extra food from the next MacDonald's. Gotta keep trucking down the interstate, towards that destination somewhere at the end of December. That's when I can pull over, get a motel for a little bit, examine my maps and tour books, and make some calls to catch up and get advice from family and friends. From there, I can decide my next course of action.
When in cruise, I can't speed up, either. The limit is a steady 65 mph. Slowing down isn't timely, but, also, if I speed up I miss enjoying the incredibly scenic trip.
I can't know where I am by gazing too far into the distance to try and make it out; I need to just concentrate on what is around me and what I can see. Plus, if I don't follow this, I might find myself lost further up the road, perhaps even without a memory of where I had been before; and where I made the wrong turn.
So that is what I need to be doing. Why, then, do I sit here, blinking and wondering, "What am I supposed to be working for again?"
On the day before a piano lesson, I practice like crazy, all the while swearing I will remember to practice way more next week. I get caught up on work, and then let it sit there while I pretend it doesn't exist...then I get stressed out with having to catch up again, and promise myself I will STAY caught up this time. And I never seem to remember to do everything I'm supposed to, no matter what it is. Because at any given time, all I see is ME and MY thoughts. Or me and my "free time."
I can just see this happening in Oregon. I'll get there, having only planned half of what I should have before I arrived...left...whatever. And I will, without a doubt, seriously hate myself for this. I won't finish my book by the time I am supposed to. And I will not feel like writing some days, so I won't write, though I am supposed to keep going.
I feel like I will always be concentrating on the wrong thing.
Should I just abandon this attempt to concentrate altogether? But, if I do, how am I supposed to get anything done???
Obviously, I have barely ever accomplished anything before, anyway (I know this sounds terrible, but this is a low-self-esteem moment, okay? Okay!). What would "not concentrating" do differently?
*Breathe in* *breathe out*
No. All I need to do is try a different angle on focusing.
Hmmm....I shall be all official and call this "Optimistic Concentration." I'm not sure what it is, but it sounds pretty nifty, doesn't it? It's....it is....the....the opposite of "Obligatory Concentration" (which I also just made up). Yeah, that's it. I don't HAVE to concentrate...I simply want to. I can stop concentrating at any time I please, and go eat ice cream and stare at the stars. And while that sounds lovely, it would not really be beneficial to any great degree. All of my blog entries would be about how dairy relates to astrology....like, take the Milky Way for example...
Yes, this is what I shall do. Optimistic Concentration. So there.
Goodnight all!
~Jessica
1 comments:
Hmm - I also have moments where concentrating is tough. I don't know if this helps, but I make outlines and lists when that happens. It really helps me. I have, like, a really in-depth MS Word custom outline built just for this purpose.
Sometimes my lists are about important things, or they detail the plot of a novel I may some day write, or maybe they plan my work schedule, but often it's just: "movies that don't completely suck." Blogging seems to help too.
Best of luck! Hope traveling is all you hoped it would be!
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