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Showing posts with label narcissism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label narcissism. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Names

"What is in a name?  That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet: so Romeo would, were he not Romeo called."  


Seriously.  I have had just about enough debate with myself about this.  "This what??"  Okay, this: the notion that some Christians or Messianics or whoevers are better off in God's sight simply because they do not call him "God", but "Yahweh", and instead of "Jesus" they use "Yahshua."  Oh, and let's not forget "Shaul" instead of "Paul", and "Yochanan" instead of "John."  Now, personally I have nothing against anybody who uses the Hebrew names.  I just don't think it should be a matter of who-is-holier-than-whom.  As far as I am concerned, as long as we are all worshipping the same God, it doesn't matter what we call him, as long as it isn't something insulting.  

All I can see is that this whole "making sure to call so-and-so by his real, Hebrew name" causes you to do is feel prideful that you are a better Christian or whatever than everyone else because you know God’s real name and you don’t ignorantly sin by calling Yahweh God.  You know, if my name is translated to something completely different in another language, and I happen to go to say…Poland or somewhere and they address me differently, I am not going to mind.  They are still talking to the same person.  And I would hope that my friends over here in the states wouldn’t feel a sense of pride over the Poles because they say my name correctly, and therefore must be held in a higher regard by me.  That is so stupid.

Still, it may not really be so much of a matter of pride as I think it is.  I know it can be, because for a while (two or three months or so) after I learned the Hebrew names from some people I know (and love dearly, don't get me wrong) who prefer to use them, I felt a little high and mighty because I was "informed" on this matter and wasn't on the "ignorant" side of things, which contained the people who were using the wrong names of Jesus and God when addressing OUR heavenly Father.  Yessiree, I was doing things RIGHT, they were WRONG, I was an "elite Christian" and they were just ordinary.  And it was a sad, sad little...time.  Now, I didn't think badly of anyone, really, so if you are anyone reading this blog don't assume that I looked down on you to the point of really thinking less of you...more like I was looking up on myself and thinking more of me, if that makes any sense.  I was being foolish and immature, if nothing else!  

Anyways, there is that Michael W. Smith song "You are Holy", which lists many of God and Jesus' names.  He doesn't just have one, good grief!! It says, "He is Lord of Lords, He is King of Kings, He is mighty God, Lord of everything, He's Emmanuel, He's the great 'I AM', He's my Prince of Peace who is the Lamb, He's the living God, He's my saving grace, He will reign forever, He is ancient of days, He is the Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End; He's my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, and friend; He's my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for you!"  And that is just scraping the surface... :D

Christ Jesus.....Messiah Yahshua.....SAME THING.  I can use one, I can use the other, I can use them interchangeably.  The name "Jesus" is "Yahshua" in Greek.  In Mexico, "Jesus" is pronounced "Hey-suse" (I'm pretty sure).  It's the same guy.  He just happened to be born in Israel, and God happened to choose the Israelites as his people before Jesus came to save everyone, so of course the original is Hebrew.  But if God had chosen the Greeks or Jesus had been born in Greece, they would have different names.  

Now I am just going to take a deep breath and rest comfortably in the fact that whatever I feel like calling my heavenly Father at the time (usually "my heavenly Father"), is FINE.  I hate looking down on others for any reason.  Pride is not good.  The Bible says that.  The Bible does not say thou shalt call thine Maker by His one real name or thou shall burn in the firey furnace of.....you-know-where.  

Ah.  A blog entry completed at long last!  Sweet bliss....

~Jessica

Monday, February 9, 2009

Warning: This Post Contains Trouting Thoughts

For those of you who know what I mean by trouting, have your nice reflective chuckle and then sip your decaffeinated coffee and read on.  For those of you who wonder why I am referring to fish on my blog when I do not particularly like fishing and would not be able to tell whether I was eating a catfish or a flounder were I served one of the two at the local seafood joint, 'tis your loss you didn't read my blog in the early days.  Oh, yes, it's been a while.....do not go back and read post number one.  It is probably boring and contains nothing about trouting.  Just stick with me here.


So I was feeling rather frustrated today, as I have been for about two weeks now.  Okay, frustrated is not the right word.  More like....um....troubled.  Or...er...oh, what is that word I always think of when I see a Gothic person?  It's on the tip of my tongue.  Oh, yes!  Conflicted.  I have felt quite conflicted for an estimated 10,000,000 reasons, all of which I couldn't put my finger on.  Many of them would come to mind, and I would get quite distraught over one thing before another thing would come up, and then another, and another, and pretty soon my head would be bustling with so much commotion that left my head and for a while my mainstream thought processes all took place in my esophagus (it wasn't very comfortable there, either, but it was better than my brain...and I wouldn't dare step near my heart, as it was surely much worse).  All of that to say that today I finally decided to stop putting off writing all that was in my brain down on paper, which is the only way I am able to keep anything straight and stay sane ("sane" probably being arguable to some people, but I am not asking those some peoples' opinions at this moment).  So, this entry took an hour and 45 minutes and was eleven pages long, which surprisingly did not top the record 14-page long journal entry of June, 2007 (and it wasn't even very interesting, but instead detailed three days worth of happenings, including the first meet of the season that the Seahawks won, a little meaningless piece about un-visiting with people, and the time when Sarah and I decided to start a trend of sitting on the black line on the pool deck).  Keep in mind that I do not have the pretty little diary that most girls have.  I just use 10 1/2 by 8 inch 1-subject spiral bound notebooks (they are good for long journal entries).  

AnyHOOness, I sorted through all my problems (looking back I now see that my handwriting is smaller than it was a year and a half ago, so that means that this entry probably would have been 14 pages had I written bigger), drew lots of conclusions, said lots of prayers, and I feel 97% better!  Now, as I was writing I started getting on the subject about how, in the course of my short life, I have come to know a few exceptional guys who have walked into my life just long enough for me to stop being annoyed with them and start wishing they would stick around more, and then they seem to just waltz back out just as daintily as they came.  (NOTE:  if you are a current/long-time guy friend of mine reading this, then I am probably not talking about you.  However, I beg you not to feel insulted.  I just take you for granted, that is all *winks*.)  

Gee, I want a Bolthouse Farms coffee drink right now!!  *resists temptation to jump in the car and go to the store*

So I started wondering, "why does it always happen to me?"  Well, it does, because I am me and as far as I know, I am the only one that anything happens to.  Aside from that shortsighted observation....um, anyways.  So the "nearly ideal" guy comes into my life.  I think, "wow, he is....everything I could have ever hoped for!"  The guy plays the piano, loves to read Charles Dickens, will talk philosophy with me, is mature, is family-oriented, shares the same ambitions as I do, wants a life I want, wants to homeschool his kids, makes me feel safe.....what more could I ask for?  So I get a little seed for the guy and I plant it in my heart, and a little plant grows for this guy.  It's not love, exactly.  I think it is a sense of completion that I long for that feels fulfilled by this guy.  So the plant grows and grows and then something happens.  Contact is lost somehow, or I just get forgotten, and it's like the plant is ripped off from its base.  The problem is, the roots are still there and  they are deep.  And once I finally finish digging the roots out, there is a hole and a lot of dirt gone where the plant used to be.  And the hole aches in an empty kind of way.  I get confused because something that was there is suddenly gone.  It's like he died, but not really.  When someone dies they are gone from this earth but they are still in your heart.  The only thing left of this guy is his hole in my heart.  And suddenly I wish I had never known him.  After a while I get used to the hole, but I can still feel it.  

So then I start feeling insecure and wondering if something is the matter with me, and conclude that I am nowhere near anybody's "near ideal" of a wife.  Because if I was, then these wonderful guys would be a little more desperate to have me around, right?  Hmph.  Well, it's not like that mattered before, right?  So why should it matter now?  (don't you just hate it when insecure feelings creep up on you when you wish they wouldn't?)  So I ignored that idea, and then immediately got another epiphany--what if I am only perfect for one guy?

O-M-G-!-!-!

What a concept, eh?  Why didn't I think of that before?  Here I was, suddenly wishing lots of guys would be in love with me for some stupid reason (the stupid reason being for my wishing, not for why the guys would like me), and all along how could I have not seen that that isn't the way it should be anyways?

So (in my journal, in the last paragraph on page 8 of the entry) I decided to pose the question to myself so as to make my point perfectly clear, "What would I rather be?  Seemingly perfect to several guys who all pursue me but none of whom may be the right one, for actually perfect for one guy?"  

Really and truly?  The second one.  I mean, with me and my female runaway romantic imagination and all, I can't help but look at the latter option and sigh, thinking, "how sweet!"  I mean, sure...anybody wants to be loved, adored, and respected by multiple members of the opposite sex.  But I like to think I have a soul mate out there, and that he and I are perfect for one another, even if neither of us seems like the ideal to anyone else.  And you know what?  Less hearts get broken that way!  

Plus, I am not all of who I will be in the next two-to-five years when I hope to be married.  I will grow a lot in that period, and while my personality will mostly stay the same, I am sure I will go through a lot that changes me.  My childishness and selfishness will get chiseled off, and the experiences I will have will "potentialize" me and make me into a fuller version of myself.  I am not perfect for someone right now, but I will be one day.  *dwells on that happy thought*

Love and Peace or Else,
~Jessica            

   

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.....(aka lazy blogging)

1. What is your occupation right now?
Bookkeeper and my mother's helper

2. What color are your socks right now?
Dark blue

3. What are you listening to right now?
"Beauty and the Mess" by Nickel Creek

4. What was the last thing that you ate?
Cereal.

5. Can you drive a stick shift?
Successfully?  Um..............working on it.  

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Alex.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Yes.  Why are there always stupid questions like this?

8. How old are you today?

18.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Football I guess, unless you want to count figure skating and gymnastics as actual sports.

10. What is your favorite drink?
Iced caramel latte from Starbucks.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair?
With hydrogen peroxide once, and with henna a few times.  The latter usually just gets my hair back to the color it was before I started swimming.

12. Favorite food?
Sushi.  No, I am not just trying to sound sophisticated.

13. What is the last movie you watched?
A Beautiful Mind.

14. Favorite day of the year?
Depends on the year!

15. How do you vent anger?
Listen to very loud music or make really loud music.  Swimming helps too, but that is not always accesible.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Either stuffed animals or my cooker set.  Sometimes both at the same time when I would serve the stuffed animals as food.

17. What is your favorite season?
Summer because of swimming, but really spring because it is so...delighful...

18. Cherries or Blueberries?
Blueberries, but why aren't strawberries an option?

19. Living arrangements?
With my family in a little ranch house on about a half acre.  It's not bad.  Sometimes I wish we had a big mansion and/or had a lot more land.  But doesn't everyone?

20. When was the last time you cried?
I don't know, probably a couple weeks ago?  Last year?

21. What is on the floor of your closet?
It has a floor????????

22. What did you do last night?
Went to Radical Wednesday

23. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburger?
Plain with everything else except cheese.  

24. Favorite dog breed?
Wolf.

25. Favorite day of the week?
Monday, because it allows me to psychologically get a fresh start on everything!

26. How many countries have you lived in?
In reality, only the USA.  But in my head I have lived in England and Australia as well.

27. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds.

28. What is your favorite flower?
Orchids.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Some Reflections on 2008

Books I’ve Read (I am pretty sure it is the shortest list I have ever had)
The Turn of the Screw by Henry James
Quest for Love by Elizabeth Elliot
Nicholas Nickelby by Charles Dickens
Twilight by Stephanie Meyer
Anne of Green Gables
Anne of Avonlea
Anne of the Island
Anne of Windy Poplars
Anne’s House of Dreams
Anne of Ingleside
Rainbow Valley
Rilla of Ingleside
by L. M. Montgomery
When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy
King Lear
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
by William Shakespeare
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Under the Tuscan Sun by Francine Prose
The Sea Wolf by Jack London
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Patterson
Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli
Into the Forest by Jean Hegland
Marriage and Family by Robert H. Lauer and Jeanette C. Lauer
Beowulf translated by Seamus Heaney
The Secrets of Songwriting by Susan Tucker
Thr3e by Ted Dekker
Let Me be a Woman by Elizabeth Elliot


Favorite Movie of 2008
I actually didn’t see that many movies, at least ones that were released this year. I kind of liked the Batman movie and the Twilight movie, but nothing really amazing stood out to me.


Favorite Songs Released in 2008
Low – Flo-ri-a ft. T-Pain
4 Minutes – Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake
Viva la Vida – Coldplay
Won’t Go Home Without You – Maroon 5


Favorite Songs that I’ve Listened to in 2008
All the TSO songs
All the Nickel Creek songs
Ben Folds, “The Luckiest”
Sweeny Todd Soundtrack
Evita Soundtrack


New Friends I’ve Met (in person…those who I have not met in person yet, I hope you are on this list at the end of 2009!)
Becca
Scott
Alex
Maryn
Moriah
Natalie


Things I’ve Done
Graduated
Gotten a laptop
Turned 18
Started to take piano more seriously
Discovered a love for composing and not just simple songwriting
Realized I don’t have to get married RIGHT NOW
Gotten more interested in reading my Bible and theology in general
Heard my life calling from afar
Completed an undefeated swimming season

Gone real camping for the first time
Tried my hand at sewing clothes (I have yet to see what the finished product will resemble)
Been more passionate than ever about homeschooling my own kids
Decided college is not for me (“college torture, / college university! / Arts and crafts is all I need, / I’ll take calligraphy / and then I’ll make a fake degree…”)
Played Ultimate Frisbee and really liked it
Won my heat and placed 10th for butterfly at the TSA championships
Started this blog
Decided I’m VERY done bragging about my accomplishments


Best Thing of 2008:
NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to start learning… :)


My thoughts at the beginning of the year:
My GOSH…I am going to graduate and THEN WHAT!?!??!?
And
If I don’t get married to *insert name here* then I don’t know what I will do!

My Thoughts at the end of the year:
You have to take time to listen to what God’s plans for you are. But he will reveal them to you eventually.
And
Right now I have as much chance of marrying ______ or _______ as I do anybody else in the world. So why should I give anybody, especially them, any romantic attention or thought right now? Crushes, no matter how you justify them, are crushes and mean nothing….

~Jessica

Monday, November 17, 2008

In Which Jessica is Tagged and Also Tags...

Lizzie tagged me!

  • Link to the person who tagged you.
  • Post the rules on your blog.
  • Write Six Random Things about yourself.
  • Tag a few other people at the bottom of the post.
  • Leave comments on their blogs, letting them know they've been tagged!
  • Let the person who tagged you know when you've written the post.
1.  I cannot decide whether I like winter or not.  I don't like it because the weather is cold, harsh, unforgiving, and uncomfortable.  However, I like it because when it's cold I can snuggle up and feel warm and cozy inside, read a book, drink all manner of hot things such as cider, hot chocolate, coffee, and tea...and there's Christmas!  

2.  I have a tendency to get ahead of myself in just about every area of life.  The latest has been a nice little habit of doing google searches for mountain retreats/bed and breakfasts with my honeymoon in mind....not even a particular person.  Just the honeymoon.  

3.  I have recently discovered (like, two days ago) that I play piano VERY EXTREMELY by ear...I was sitting down at the hotel in DC, with my "Alfred's Basic Keyboard Chart" (please don't ask...) (and who is Alfred anyways?) thinking that I could start musically notating a piece I am working on.  I tried to play it on the piece of paper, but I couldn't really remember what keys to press.  I was writing it down, but I have no idea if I'm right or not.  I kept thinking...if only the piece of paper made noise...and I thought I was a "doer" but I guess I'm just a "hearer."  I wonder if there's any hope left for me....

4.  I used to be very much a feminist/tomboy when I was, like, ten or something.  It was one of those embarrassing phases of my childhood, so I'm not quite sure why I'm telling you.  I just thought that boys had all the fun, and why can't girls go do things the boys did?  So I made a point to go against the pressure there was to be a girl and just do what I felt like doing.  While I've basically grown out of rebelling against anything girly, I'm still not an extremely girly person....however, I am NOT a feminist any more....

5.  I can carry cash into a clothing store and come out with it still in my wallet.  But I have to make a point of leaving all my money at home if I am going to the bookstore.  

6.  I have a large collection of countless notebooks that I've filled up over the years...and I keep  most of them in my bottom dresser drawer.  Come to think of it...that is my largest collection...

I'm going to tag Michelle and Chris.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I Feel Like the Blogging Muscle Guy...

Maybe Matt, Sarah, and Lizzie might know what I mean by that, or we may have all forgotten...but nonetheless, here is another one of "those boredom/lazy blogging things":

Random Facts About You:

1. Favorite book(s) of the Bible: 1st and 2nd Peter
2. Largest collection that you own: 18 assorted jackets and hoodies
3. What instrument(s) do you play (if any)? Guitar and piano mainly, and to save my life I can get by on the bass, mandolin, Irish whistle, recorder, and ukulele.
4. You ultimate desire is: To be a mother and a writer
5. The song in your head right now is: "7 Wonders" by Nickel Creek
6. One thing you have never done is: Traveled anywhere outside the US *cries bitterly*
7. Your most common catchphrase: Um..."Oh, bothersome elephants!" (???)
8. Your favorite actor/actress: Johnny Depp
9. What is on your mind the majority of the time? Probably music...and wondering about life's complexities
10. What's your favorite drink? Those Bolthouse Farms coffee drink things.
11. Nobody could pay you to: Vote for Obama....?
12. Your favorite author: Charles Dickens
13. What book did you just finish reading? "Rainbow Valley" by L. M. Montgomery
14. What are you about to do once you finish this? Write a letter


Anyways...goodnight!~Jessica

Monday, August 18, 2008

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

I'm 18, Whoopee!

I wished for a pet giraffe

And all I got was...was...something that rhymes with "ee"...


Well, I get my real license today. That means that, when I drive after nine now, I don't have to be really inconspicuous...

~Jessica

Friday, August 8, 2008

Lazy/Boredom Blogging Once Again

5 Facts
1. Middle name: Claire
2. Astrological sign: Leo
3. Eye color: Blue
4. Birth date (Monday, Tuesday...): This year it’s Monday…
5. Home state: North Carolina

5 Favorites
6. Fave movie: Anne of Green Gables movies and Sweeny Todd
7. Fave book: Harry Potter and To Kill a Mocking Bird
8. Fave candy: Snickers
9. Fave makeup: the kind I wear
10. Fave magazine: Psychology

5 People
11. Newest friend: Becca
12. Childhood nemesis: Zach
13. Longest-lasting crush: hmm…not answering that question
14. Role model: Jesus
15. Kindergarten teacher: mom

5 Things
16. My mantra is: “Tomorrow is a Long Time” (Nickel Creek or Bob Dylan version)
17. I can’t find my: nail clippers
18. My friends say that I’m: PERFECTLY NORMAL
19. My parents were going to name me: Caroline, or Marck if I was a boy
20. I would never eat: another human

5 Moments
21. I read my first book when: I guess I was four or five
22. The first time I lost a friend was when: ??? I had a lot of friends when I was little who I don’t know anymore
23. I had a really good laugh when: It’s on the tip of my brain…something really funny happened some time…but it happens a lot
24. I was so proud of myself when: Whenever I say or write something that sounds really profound…
25. If I could, I would go back to: the olden days when times were simpler

5 Places
26. My first kiss happened (or should happen) at: an altar…but let’s not talk about that…
27. I spend most of my time at: the pool
28. I used to hide my diary: between my mattress and the box springs
29. My favorite place to unwind is: my room or outside
30. I'd hate to live in: an apartment complex

5 Either/Ors
31. Morning or night: Do I have to decide?
32. Cats or dogs: dogs
33. Computer or cell phone: computer
34. Pop or soda: soda…duh
35. Vegetables or fruit: fruit by themselves, vegetables in a salad (or superfood!)

5 Ifs
36. If I could move anywhere, it would be: Australia
37. If I were an animal, I would be: A seal…like I said
38. If I could change one thing, it would be: the government
39. If I had one superpower, it would be: again…flying…but now that I think about it, it would be the ability to give myself more superpowers.
40. If I had a million dollars to spend, I would: buy a car, put some aside for insurance, pay for my stuff this year and put the rest in a mutual fund for a while

5 Pasts
41. My first word was: dad or something like that
42. When I played make-believe, I: usually did really dramatic stuff, like running away and getting kidnapped, being forced by my kidnappers to do slave work, then getting out, getting rescued, and escaping narrowly from my pursuing kidnappers back to my safe home…
43. I used to watch, on continual repeat: donut man
44. I can’t believe I worried so much about: guys
45. I was so afraid of: people dressed up as cartoon characters (Mickey Mouse, Chuck E Cheese, etc.)

5 Futures
46. When I grow up, I want to be a: (again) writer, mom, and something musical
47. Before I die, I hope to: go sailing for real (that is, on a larger scale for a longer amount of time)
48. I'll be friends with: my friends I have now
49. I'll live: in a nice older home in an older neighborhood with lots of trees and enough of a yard for my kids to run around in
50. I'll make a difference by: helping people understand other people…

Friday, July 25, 2008

One of "Those" Entries...

I have just been informed by a certain “Allison”-type-person that I need to update my blog. Thus, this entry...

Many of you are probably wondering how my life has been since my last entry. Well…it’s been just fine, thanks for allowing me to ask for you. The family reunion was kind of a bummer in the area of my own generation, but the two above mine were fine people, resulting in many fine relationships with older people. This generation is just not RIGHT sometimes, you know? However, we homeschoolers and ex-homeschoolers are just fine, am I right, or am I right? Ha ha…sorry for the generalization about non-homeschoolers. Y’all are pretty much okay, I guess…especially since my parents are included in that category.

Anyways, I had an itchy spot and I scratched it and I believe I feel slightly sun burnt. Allow me a moment to check. Okay…only on that small line right before my tan line, where I seemed to have missed putting sunscreen. It’s on both sides. Fancy that. At least I am consistent and symmetrical in my inconsistent unsymmetrical ways.

So the Totally Amazingly B’gorious Seahawks stole another win, leaving us completely UNDEFEATED!!! It is very amazing, considering that at the beginning of last season we were at the bottom of the last division. That’s a bit of a comeback, I’d say. So I believe we get a trophy, and get to move up at least one division, which will make me happy. The thing is that I won’t be able to swim in the fall because of time, won’t be able to compete in the fall because of graduating, and will only have one summer left (next summer…) before having to completely move on forever. However, I am making plans to continue to play water polo (I almost typed “water polka”, which is something a little similar to “water disco” which Matt and I are currently working on perfecting) on the day that Coach has that, which I hope is Wednesday (or Monday)…although I just realized that with the school schedule I have now (not much) I would be able to make it on Tuesday or Thursday. Anyhooness, I really like water polo. Have I ever said that? And I scored a goal on Matt yesterday. Yes, that’s an accomplishment. I think…better go check before bragging more…

Today was nice. I had planned to wake up at six, work out some, take a shower, get ready and go with Elizabeth B. to Wake Tech to clear up some advising stuff. Well, I don’t remember staying up too late last night, though I don’t remember what time I went to sleep, either. And what was I doing…? I seem to recall some faint vision of playing the guitar or something, but then I think that was the night before…well, I don’t know what I was up to. It’s not really important anyway. The point is that I woke up at ten after seven and Elizabeth was supposed to pick me up at eight. I looked in the mirror and…my hair was even on both sides, even though I slept in it! I was amazed. I had to straighten out my bangs a bit, wash my face, put on a little makeup and drink some coffee, and I was ready to go.

We stopped by MacDonald’s for breakfast, and don’t you all just go assuming I didn’t drink more coffee there or anything…that would be ridiculous. We when to Tech, got our advising, I bought my books, and then we went up to Target and Best Buy to look for birthday presents for Michelle. I was about to say what I got for Michelle, but then I remembered she reads my blog sometimes. Um…I also got a new purse finally, because one of the straps on my beloved light brown leather back pack broke, and for some reason the amount of things I keep in my purse has grown since last time I used either of my other purses, so I needed a new one. Thus, a very nice dark brown “leather” purse from Target. I was about to go into a purse crisis, you see. Too small, too big, too shiny and sparkly, too beach bag-ish. But this one is perfect. You know, I should start naming my purses. Hmmm…

I went to the Bradburn’s for lunch where Michelle had prepared some very yummy chicken-thing, with a side of some squash-thing (sorry to totally butcher the names of the dishes, but I can’t remember them…it was great anyways). While she was cooking that, Elizabeth and I looked at some clips on YouTube from “Across the Universe” which is a new movie using Beatles songs for the musical numbers.

I think it would be neat to take the work of some singer or band and make that into a musical. Like they did with Abba in “Mamma Mia.” So today I started thinking about, if I did that, how I would do it, and who I would use. But the thing is that a moment later I realized that I would want to use my own music to go with whatever story I needed the music for. Still, I guess it’s a cool kind of challenge to write a story around existing music, at least for me, anyways. And…that got me thinking that what if I took my own songs and wrote something around them? So I am opening my little binder where I keep most of my finished songs, and the first song, “Understand” is…too wordy and complicated. I don’t know what you think, but songs for musicals shouldn’t be that way. They should be concise and straightforward. Or maybe that’s redundant, but you know what I mean. Second song, “Here” (Rachel J.’s favorite song), is…reflective…you know? I change tenses in this song. No I don’t. There’s just a flashback-thingy. Never mind. Third song, “Residing”, is…longish, but that’s not bad. Actually might work. And actually-actually…it might work better for this thingy I was writing and thinking about turning into a musical that I started writing lyrics for…I don’t know. I like this song though. Fourth song… “Elijah”. Ah, yes…straightforward and concise, no doubt about that. Though not very musical-ish. The fifth song, “Away”, has too much imagery to be in a musical. “Hating One, Loving One, Expecting One”, the sixth song, might work. A monologue kind of thing…yeah. So that’s two so far. The seventh…it really, really, really depends on the context…and that’s a bit more of a personal song anyway. And there’s the part where she’s explaining and the part where she’s talking to the one she’s explaining about. That could be broken up into two songs…oh! To expand “Rockwell”…that would be really cool! I could devise the whole plot around “Rockwell”! Now I’m getting excited. It’s nice to have this blog-thing to brainstorm on. Okay. Three down…or three and a half. “The Freedom In-Between” seems like it could be a good musical song, and it may fit well. Very straightforward. “Time” is even more so…and would work well as well. Five and a half already! Well…now I was just thinking “Sounds of the Morning” and “Questions” were very imagery-laden and wordy songs, but looking at them…they’d make good heartfelt solos. They are kind of alike. Though I guess the only reason I think so is because I wrote them at about the same time. “A Confession” isn’t finished, but it would do for something. This is fun, but now we’re getting into my older depressing stuff. “Forever Winter”…hm…aside from being perfect for a Narnia musical (though no Miss Denmans requested to use it [gee, I wonder why…marketing usually helps]). “Your Own” may be of some good use after all…and “December”. Wow, that’s an interesting song. Not so sure about that. “Leave it at That” is a good musical-type song…if it can be incorporated. I hate “You and Me.” I know it’s Joanna’s favorite song I’ve ever written, but it’s just a musical cliché and I really hate those. But if musical clichés sell, then…whatever. I’ll have to deny myself the pride of writing something ingenious and go for the cash, I guess. So that’s all in that folder. There are a few others I’m working on which may work…well, whatever. Just some stuff to put in my thinker.

After lunch, Elizabeth dropped me off at the pool, where I finally got to spend some time with Elayna. Then…surprise! One of my friends and her mom came to the pool! Marck was a little disappointed because the two brothers in that family couldn’t come. They had come straight from shopping or something, so my friend had to swim in some clothes which dragged a whole lot, but it was all okay. We went diving down to the bottom of the diving pool, and I helped her on her dive and her butterfly. She says my butterfly is as pretty as ballet, and I’m like a graceful serpent moving through the water…*sniffle* *sniffle* *tear*…how…nice…*sniff*. She actually said “snake”, but “serpent” sounds much more romantic, don’t you think?

After Elayna left, my aunt stopped by the pool, and came over to our house afterwards. Haylea shared some brownies with me, and Charlie informed me that he was going to college in Tennessee. EVERYBODY IS GOING TO TENNESSEE. Jeffrey, Micah, and now Charlie. Wonderful. Well, it is nice there. I’d go live there, out in the country somewhere. And I remember there was this really cool science museum in Chattanooga. That’s such a weird name. Weirder than Kalamazoo. I think Raleigh, Cary, Apex, Durham, Knightdale, Zebulon, Wake Forest, and Chapel Hill are very elegant names.

The song in my head right now is “Annie Waits” by Ben Folds. I like that song, FYI.

So, it’s sad. The last thing for summer swim team is this Tuesday. Water polo playoffs, the fun meet, and the awards banquet. Then it’s done. Finished. I’m going to start crying (again)…I hope…oh, yeah. I already talked about this, didn’t I? Well, gee. Maybe I should stop thinking about the end of swim team so much. FOCUS, Jessica. There’s things to be done around here, like…like…AHHHHHHH!!! I am about to GO CRAZY!!! Do you understand what I mean? When you just get a sudden inspiration to get SOMETHING done RIGHT NOW…when you literally get all twitchy and feel like if you don’t do something, for heaven’s sake, you’ll just go absolutely insane and start running around the back yard in a panicked manner, pulling your hair out and stamping it into the ground? That last sentence was actually taken from a dialogue in a book I’m writing…but taken from real life experience originally, anyways. So there. Don’t you ever feel like that? I feel like that approximately every two weeks or so. It is kind of annoying, because it causes me to stay up late even when I need to wake up early the next morning.

I am wondering right now why I am not feeling a giant pang of jealousy, having been informed about a certain person doing something else with a certain other person which this certain person would have rather been doing with one of those said certain people but not the other certain person around. Whichever certain person is excluded except for this certain person, this certain person certainly doesn’t care and hopes those certain persons certainly don’t take this personally. Another certain person may know what this certain person is talking about…but should certainly keep his or her mouth shut, because this certain person should stop talking about this, even though she feels like keeping on. This certain person can sigh all she wants to, and wonder all she wants to, but it’s not going to solve anything, and this certain person says that perhaps the other two certain people simply were certainly not doing anything pertaining to anything which this certain person would rather…oh, never mind. UGH-ness-icity. This certain person is having an attitude and denying everything.

I am not!!!

Hm.

So to end on a more flavorful note, I was thinking about something I cannot remember. Hey, you want another clip from my book? Let me go find something really quickly. Okay, here goes. Try to see if you can guess the inspiration for the following passage:

Jacob and I followed, stopping in the den. While the walls still had dark wood paneling, the shag carpet had obviously been pulled up and replaced with nice, fluffy cream colored carpet. I glanced around, feeling a bit out of place, especially when my eyes fell upon a person who could only have been who Mrs. Madison had indicated was talking to two girls—Jack Madison.

I was instantly enthralled. There was something about his face. It was so average, but stood out somehow. Maybe it was that it was so averaged, and therefore quite perfect. What made it even more perfect was the thick, smooth chin-length light brown hair which framed the perfectly average face. As he sat talking, he moved in a very animated sort of way, and as he did, his hair moved very animatedly with him. I could only seem to think in my head for that moment when
I first laid eyes on him, “Wow, look at his hair…it goes, swish-swish…”

A moment later he looked up, very intently with his animated, yet fixated and stern-like gray eyes, and as he greeted Jacob excitedly I began to feel very shallow for allowing such meaningless thoughts as ones about the movement of a guy’s hair. “Hey, Jake, what’s been happening?”

So, that’s it for now! Sorry to keep you all in suspense about what happens between…well, never mind. You all certainly will not ever know “what’s been happening” with Jacob, now, will you?

Later!
--Jessica

Friday, May 23, 2008

One of those survey things...

1. What time is it? 9:39 pm

2. What's your full Name? Jessica Claire Lastname

3. What are you most afraid of? Not doing it all before I die

4. What is the last movie you saw in a theater? Prince Caspian

5. Place of birth? Raleigh, NC

6. Favorite foods? Cookie dough ice cream, coffee (Starbucks or McCafe, take your pick)

7. What's your natural hair color? I agree with Elayna...reddish-brownish

8. What comes to mind when you think of Alaska? Denali National Park

9. Ever been toilet paper rolling? Every time I go to the bathroom...

10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Sadly, yes...*sniffle* *tear*

11. Been in a car accident? No, fortunately, because I would be scarred for life.

12. Croutons or bacon bits? Cracker Barrel croutons...yum

13. Favorite day of the week? Whenever there's improv or water polo!

14. Favorite restaurant? At the moment, Mimi's. That is, Mimi's Cafe (Marck corrected me, as guys like to do)

15. Favorite Flower? Orchid

16. Favorite sports to watch? Water polo, basketball, baseball and football

17. Favorite drink? Vault. Again, I say, I have betrayed the Mountain Dew. That is, we got a divorce.

18. Favorite ice cream? Cookie dough

19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Disney, I guess

20. Ever been on a ship? The Titanic...no, not really. No, I haven't been on a ship.

21. What color is your bedroom carpet? Tumbleweed.

22. Before this one, from whom did you get your last email? Dean

23. What do you do when you are bored? Lay around and get miserable thinking about how bored I am. Then I usually will read something or write. If I'm really miserable, though, I'll eat something and watch TV.

24. What is your bedtime? I used to say I would go to bed no later then 10 so I could get up and not feel cheated. Now I get 5 or 6 hours usually.

25. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? I'm posting this on a blog, not an e-mail. But Abigail might convince Enil to snatch it.

26. Who is the person you sent this to that least likely to respond? All the people who don't read my blog...oh, that I "sent" this to? I don't know...maybe Allison since she never blogs, but this is the sort of thing for lazy bloggers. *cough*

27. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Not Allison, because I know the answer to everything already.

28. Favorite TV shows? Once upon a time I enjoyed Alias and That 70's Show. Then I liked Chuck and On the Lot. Now...sometimes I'll record Dog Whisperer or Mythbusters.

29. Last person you went to dinner with? Like, out and about? Um, my family.

30. What is your favorite vacation spot? I like nature, so anywhere like that.

31. What are your favorite colors? Forest green, black, and red.

32. How many times have you been sick on Christmas day? Poor Marck...he was VERY sick on Christmas and I caught it a day later...

33. How many pets do you have? Two.

35. What do you want to do before you die? Everything.

36. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No, unfortunately. I want to go, though. During the off-season.

37. Have you been to any countries outside the US? Nope, but it's on the list of things to do before I die and preferably very soon!

38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Whoever reads it, gosh-darn it.

39. What time is it now? 10:00 pm

~Jessica (and I took this from Elayna, btw)

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