New Beginnings

Fall can be looked at in many different ways. Despite being very cold right now, I can easily look past that to the gorgeous colors outside my window, and the leaves whooshing around, decorating the ground with the essence of autumn. It may sound strange to see death in this light, but we all do it. The leaves are dying, true, but they smell so good and look so wonderful!

This time of the year just makes me think of beginnings for some reason. More so than spring, when everything really is coming to life. The air is so crisply fresh, the cool nights perfect for bonfires, and the time has come for cuddling up in warm sweaters, enjoying the great outdoors, or cozying up inside under a warm blanket with hot chocolate and a good book.

And this time, fall brings a real new beginning with it as well: I am leaving the comfort of the only home I've ever known....the only life I have ever known....to fly across the country for a month to write a novel under the inspiration of new experiences.

I have often wondered if I have a wandering soul. But, having never really wandered before, how am I supposed to know? But, the truth is, while I like traveling and going new places, I really like to stay in one place. While I appreciate extravagance, high adventure, new sights and sounds, etc., what I want for the rest of my earthly life is simplicity. Not simplicity as in uncomplicated or easy. But "A Simple Kind of Life" .... "Somewhere that's Green." A simple house, on a good amount of land somewhere not too far from civilization, but not too close either. Just me, my Someone, and as many kids as God blesses us with.

So, nobody fear - I'm going, but I won't be gone forever, and I certainly won't go away that often. :) I love my life and wherever it leads me, but most of all I love it here.

Just a few half awake thoughts on this lovely Monday morning.

~Jessica

This Morning

The clouds are still grey with a hint of blue in them.  The fresh dogwood blooms are dampened by the early morning rain, and are dripping and drooping towards the lush, wet grass.  Sparrows call and finches chirp, calling the sun out from the shadows where it sleeps.  The softest breeze kisses the pine branches enough to induce droplets to tumble down, and the maple branches dance as the horizon grows brighter and brighter with every call of the waxwing.  The colors of Springtime are now illuminated fully as the orange rays spill over the grass.  Yet the sun shrinks back.  A tossing wind stirs the branches now, and then stops again.  

I smell the wetness of the yard through my window as the sun attempts to show its face again.  But alas, it is for a mere second before it seems I only imagined the rays.  And then...light!  Beautiful sunshine!  Here to stay...but gone again.  

It is fascinating how every day seems to be the same, but then it is different also.  Each day something happens, and the next day I think differently of everything than I did the day before, after my dreams cultivate in my brain.  My opinions don't change much, for I am not some wet blanket or another.  But even one mild event in one day can change an entire outlook in the next.  A friend and I long for childhood again, dress up in long skirts, and go take a midnight walk, stopping only to lay in a hammok to gaze longingly at the stars.  We talk of the future, of hopes and desires, and we make promises to each other all over again.  Another friend writes and reminds me of the life ahead of me; how the key to it is to simply walk through the open door, no matter how daunting the doorway is.  A book I chanced upon finally makes it all clear, that my idleness and idolatry are in vain.  My family is proof that there really is no place like home.

The direction does not have to be 100% clear.  The end does not have to be visable.  Then how am I supposed to know what is right?  Instinct is as trustworthy as stranger's casual opinion.  But God is good, and he has blessed me thus far.  Just because I cannot see does not mean I am walking blindly.  It would be better to lose my sight altogether; it would make me more fully rely on my Father, and acknowledge that he is the only one who really has the true ability to see anything.  

Outside it has grown dark again, with only a hint of what brightness kept peeping out.  But perhaps today is a day for clouds, and tomorrow the sun with shine.  

~Jessica

I am very cold.

I am.  And I have reason to be.  After all, there happens to still be snow on the ground.  Sure, most of it has melted, but it is still cold outside.  I hate it.  

The weather people keep pushing the day when it finally gets in the 70s further and further away.  The day before yesterday it was Thursday, yesterday they said it would be Friday, and today they say it's going to be Saturday.  My wager is that they are just guessing as usual.  All this modern-day science and all those computers just to guess.  I think it's useless; almanacs in the 1800s were surely more acurate, not that I know much about them.  

I get cold WAY too easily.  I don't know what it is about me.  Yesterday I was reading about the symptoms of shock and I had to laugh for a moment because it seems as though I have about half of them all the time: reduced alterness (I'm very "out of it" in the area of paying attention), confusion (I get confused a lot), and cold, pale skin.  Of course, I don't consistently have general weakness, unconsciousness, or shallow, irregular breathing (although sometimes I do hold my breath for long periods of time, slowly letting it out, and then taking another deep breath and holding it, but that is just a weird swimming habit I seem to have).  

That said, I am freezing.  I really hope to marry somebody who is warm natured so he can keep me warm, but not too warm natured that he keeps the thermostat in the mid 60s.  During the day our thermostat is set to 68, and that is just too cold for me to be comfortable.  At night it is 66, which is even worse.  Thankfully I have my heating blanket which I always set on high, and on top of that I have another thick, wooly blanket, and then I have my big, thick comforter.  At night I roll myself up into a little cacoon with my head sticking out and sleep quite comfortably.  It is even nicer when my dog sleeps in my bed, because she'll usually snuggle up and keep me warm as well.  

I like to take showers when it is cold, because the hot water feels good, but when I get out...well, my hair is all wet, and takes forever to dry.  Plus, it gets on my clothes and gets them wet.  If I put my hair up it never dries completely.  It's worse at night, when it is colder, although if I get to use the hairdryer, then I feel better.  I also hate washing my face at night in the winter, because I have to splash cold water on my cold face and I feel very cold.  :(

And then I go to swim practice and it is always MUCH colder when it is cold outside, even though the water is supposedly the same temperature and the pool is inside.  And we have to swim in the cold pool, too, even though the warm pool is just as available.  And I freeze and freeze and freeze and freeze.  

Next winter I'm flying south and not coming back.  Don't miss me too much.

~Jessica